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emorockerownage

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emorockerownage
  • Town/Country : bayville, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1985 (28 years)
  • Number of visits : 45647
  • Number of comments : 127
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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emorockerownage's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

#6681968
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21830) - you deserved it (5292)

On 12/09/2009 at 4:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

#6679644
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7193) - you deserved it (65364)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:09pm - love - by ouch (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a private message on Facebook, from a woman I've never heard of, subject: "Eric X's wife says HI." She goes on to say that she is going to find me, and ruin my life the way I have ruined hers. I've never even heard of Eric X and am happily engaged. FML

#6679301
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23432) - you deserved it (1514)

On 12/09/2009 at 11:31am - love - by Cherie (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I met a girl who's the whole package: brains, beauty, shared interests, great personality, single, and into me. Too bad I married my bitchy, depressive high school girlfriend who said she'd kill herself if I didn't. Sometimes, she still tells me she'll do it if we divorce. I believe her. FML

#6677904
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40991) - you deserved it (19808)

On 12/09/2009 at 8:27am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend on Facebook. She's in the forces, and it was her birthday. I asked her if she liked the flowers I sent her. She thanked me, then asked if she could remove our relationship status. When I asked why, she said, "It's not like we're really going out anymore." FML

#6677615
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30005) - you deserved it (2089)

On 12/09/2009 at 7:31am - love - by im_not_me (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my greatgrandpa came over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, he pooped himself. My family went through the rest of the meal acting like we hadn't noticed to avoid embarassment. As it was coming to an end, my sister came home and immediately yelled, "Ew! Did someone poop?" He cried. FML

#6676147
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39176) - you deserved it (2368)

On 12/09/2009 at 2:39am - misc - by PoorGramps - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

#6674609
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26252) - you deserved it (4888)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:25am - health - by somechick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cleaning out my new guinea pig cage for the first time because one of them had babies last night. After using a spatula to shovel up the 3 inch layer of crap and placenta, I decided to hose it down. The hose came on so hard, it sprayed the dung and birth water all over my face. FML

#6674325
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9162) - you deserved it (18499)

On 12/09/2009 at 12:07am - animals - by poohead (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I got stuck in the snow in the middle of street. As I was just beginning to get myself unstuck, the snow plow came by and buried the front end of my car. FML

#6671880
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21533) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/08/2009 at 10:03pm - misc - by HoHoSnow (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was going to ask my parents for advice on how to get my ex-girlfriend back. I overheard them talking about how glad they were that their plan to break us up worked so well. I don't think I should ask for advice anymore. FML

#6669217
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25460) - you deserved it (1595)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, while sleeping over at my guy friend's house, I woke up mid-air after falling off his abnormally high loft bed. Luckily, there was a table and 3 shot glasses to break my fall. FML

#6668848
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19751) - you deserved it (3003)

On 12/08/2009 at 7:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

#6666980
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28888) - you deserved it (3722)

On 12/08/2009 at 5:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the ice cream shop after dinner. I am deathly allergic to nuts so I picked the vanilla. I take one bite and feel something crunchy, and see what I thought was an almond in the cup. I spit out the icecream in a panic. Good news? It wasn't an almond. Bad news? It was a cockroach. FML

#6665762
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38201) - you deserved it (1885)

On 12/08/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at Target buying four coloring books. As I was in line, the woman behind me said that buying coloring books was a good idea to keep my kids occupied. I smiled and said that it would give me a few minutes to relax. I am a 26 year old guy with no kids. The coloring books were for me. FML

#6664600
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13875) - you deserved it (31626)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by 2old4thiscrap (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was fired because I skipped a week of work without calling nor telling anyone. His secretary forgot to tell him about my scheduled days off for anticipation for my daughter's birth. My boss had already hired someone else so he gave me his secretary's job. Wrong time for a pay decrease. FML



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