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Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 4:27pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 1:30pm - misc - by pchis4ever (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by NotInMiddleSchool (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by inpain (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I discovered that my boss listens to the things we say about him on the audio-enabled cameras at our work. I'm thus currently jobless. FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 8:56am - work - by HellaBomber91 (man) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was planning on going on a date with a girl I've really liked. She told me today was the only we could hang out before her trip. I got an expensive hair cut, planned on cooking her dinner, and pulled a few strings and got on the list for a big concert. Turns out she'd rather go shopping FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 3:25am - love - by sadday (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML
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On 11/20/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by Links (man) - United States (Washington)
Today I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 3:09pm - love - by thenewone (woman) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)
Today, as I left class I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted "Let go!". I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by betamaxjim (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)
Today, I was baking cookies and opened the oven door to check on them. Apparently, wearing a gold necklace means the wave of heat will burn your very fair skin. I now have a bright red ring of stars around my neck. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 11:41am - misc - by Sam_Licker81 (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, my girlfriend woke up very early in terrible pain. I drove her to the hospital and fell asleep in the waiting area. When I woke up, my car was gone and it was 9am. She had assumed I just walked home (32 miles), so she took the car. I was the only one in the waiting area. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 10:53am - health - by nolips (man) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was watching the episode where Spongebob smashes his guitar while playing. I walk into the kitchen to make him a snack, and I hear a loud crash... My nephew smashing my brand new guitar to be like Spongebob. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 9:37am - misc - by maxus - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 8:36am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I was mowing the lawn and needed bugspray. I grabbed the first can of "off" I saw. Turns out "Easy Off" oven cleaner doesn't repell bugs, but it does give you third degree burns everywhere on your body. FML
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On 11/19/2009 at 6:36am - health - by fishmike (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
