About emmingle : Czech-Canadian trying to make it big as a crayon designer.
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emmingle's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML
by FML / 07/24/2014 at 11:59am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by boob sisters / 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2014 at 12:16am / United States / Kids
by Axelerate / 06/21/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Work
Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 7:37am / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Kids
Today, I snuck out of the house to go to a party. When I got back later, I tried climbing back up the rope-ladder I'd set up earlier, leading back through my bedroom window. I was halfway up when it broke free. I sprained both my ankles and had to shamefully ring the doorbell to get back in. FML
by groundedasfuck / 05/24/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, while lifeguarding, I slipped and fell from my chair and onto the cement. Embarrassed and actually quite hurt, I tried to climb back up to the chair, but it tipped. I fell half onto the cement half into the pool, just before the chair landed on top of me. FML
by Anonymous / 05/18/2014 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML
by GimmeLaCoffee / 05/15/2014 at 9:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
by iworkatofficedepothomes / 05/15/2014 at 8:02am / United States (California) / Work
by Harry / 05/13/2014 at 6:37pm / United States (Georgia) / Money
Today, I walked outside to see my boyfriend standing on my porch, looking confused. He explained to me that he had attached a prom proposal note to his pet rabbit, and let it inside my house to find me. We went looking for said rabbit, and found my dog halfway through eating it. FML
by Anonymous / 05/11/2014 at 6:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
by unlovedmommy / 05/08/2014 at 5:49pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML
by STOP / 05/08/2014 at 9:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by Sam / 05/04/2014 at 2:12am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
- Today, instead of taking a nap, my son took a huge shit on the carpet in his room and coveted it up… Today, I learned that my parents want me to move out. Because my little brother has them convinced… Today, I was coaching some kids in table tennis when I told them to try a forehand loop, or smash.…