About emeraldisle : I'm awesome.
Message me if you wanna chat. I love meeting new people. Don't be shy.
After being on this site for a while, I've come to realise that sarcasm and humour are lost on a lot of people.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43490) - you deserved it (2187)
On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, after dating for almost a year, I decided to introduce my parents to the man I was sure I'd fallen in love with. When dad saw him, his and my boyfriend's face completely dropped. I asked them what was wrong because I could feel the discomfort. Turns out, I'm dating my dad's drug dealer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58469) - you deserved it (5743)
On 06/14/2013 at 2:48am - love - by explanations (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50831) - you deserved it (8931)
On 06/09/2013 at 10:29am - misc - by jack - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44132) - you deserved it (3577)
On 06/09/2013 at 1:13am - misc - by nicholascageonyourface (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38400) - you deserved it (7335)
On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47054) - you deserved it (9595)
On 06/08/2013 at 6:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (41087) - you deserved it (50981)
On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. 20 minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47769) - you deserved it (3408)
On 06/05/2013 at 6:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, while sexting my girlfriend, I accidently sent a picture to her father instead of her. He sent back a link to a penis enlargement company's website. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27321) - you deserved it (58291)
On 06/04/2013 at 8:15am - misc - by tinypenis - United States (New York)
Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43203) - you deserved it (3471)
On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)
Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43203) - you deserved it (3471)
On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)
Today, I witnessed a large woman pee on a pregnancy test in the middle of a Walmart parking lot, clean herself off, then wander around with the test hanging out of her mouth, waiting for her result. Where in the name of Christ do these people come from? FML
I agree, your life sucks (59456) - you deserved it (3297)
On 06/02/2013 at 2:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I fainted. Instead of stopping to help, some guy stopped to draw a penis on my forehead. The EMT laughed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41287) - you deserved it (2842)
On 05/29/2013 at 11:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall". Before I could say "asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55688) - you deserved it (11980)
On 05/28/2013 at 12:37pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my parents decided that since summer is almost here, it's a great opportunity to start having nude barbecues. I found this out after walking out into the backyard, hoping to sun myself a little, only to see the living nightmare that is my parents' naked bodies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43867) - you deserved it (3868)
On 05/25/2013 at 6:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Monday 17 June 2013
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