ember19

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Offline (the 09/20/2014 at 12:54pm)

ember19

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 718
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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ember19's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I went mini golfing with his family. We had a competition going on, and when I managed to get two consecutive holes in one, he started seething and muttered that I'm dangerously close to becoming single. FML

by Jacquelinez / 05/20/2012 at 2:20pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a dream I was on the toilet taking the longest piss known to man. Unfortunately, it was partially true. FML

by geez_wth / 05/06/2012 at 7:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

by SeeingLlamas / 04/17/2012 at 5:38am / United States (Tennessee) / Health

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I dislocated my elbow chasing my cat around the hardwood floors of my house in knee-high socks and wiping out going around a corner. The doctors suggested that I not tell people how it happened. FML

by hikari_chan_xo / 03/28/2012 at 8:00am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML

by thatchick3333 / 03/08/2012 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

by shea234 / 02/20/2012 at 11:19am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was apparently tired enough to spray silly string under my armpits rather than deodorant. FML

by ParkerRommel / 01/26/2012 at 10:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML

by Makala / 12/03/2011 at 3:15am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the emergency room for busting my lip open, I had to lie and tell them I slipped and fell. In reality I was singing with the soap bottle and slammed it into my lip. FML

by Nickname / 10/12/2011 at 4:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML

by therevsev / 10/02/2011 at 2:05am / United States / Intimacy

Today, a fly got stuck up my nose while I was giving a speech. FML

by agent_awesome / 09/21/2011 at 11:25am / United Kingdom / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

by MJjunior / 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Kids

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

by Jack / 07/08/2011 at 11:10am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy