About elitePotato : That's my caramel ball python archon.
I got a dollar I got a dollar I got a dollar hey hey hey
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39465) - you deserved it (2977)
On 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38808) - you deserved it (16911)
On 03/11/2013 at 7:33am - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16097) - you deserved it (25770)
On 01/15/2013 at 2:33am - animals - by I think its dead (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15712) - you deserved it (872)
On 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, a homeless man asked me for some money to eat. He ate the five dollars I gave him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18501) - you deserved it (2540)
On 11/13/2012 at 6:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13974) - you deserved it (4415)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13584) - you deserved it (28866)
On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States
Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62517) - you deserved it (6323)
On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)
Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4724) - you deserved it (33215)
On 06/26/2012 at 1:44am - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, a woman was staring at me. This went on for about five minutes until I couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at her to cut it out. It turns out she had a lazy eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6016) - you deserved it (19016)
On 04/15/2012 at 11:29am - misc - by Salvation711 - United States
Today, my parents told me that I will grow up to be a criminal, living on the streets, on drugs. All this because I took the last chocolate egg. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21189) - you deserved it (3743)
On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - misc - by uhhh what? - United States (Washington)
Today, I kicked my dog's toy snake out of my way. Then I realised my dog doesn't have a toy snake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22455) - you deserved it (2163)
On 03/25/2012 at 1:49am - animals - by uh-oh - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (35220)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I got pulled over. When the cop asked where I was coming from, reflexively I said, "Your mom's house." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8016) - you deserved it (41503)
On 02/13/2012 at 10:30am - misc - by SpLo0gIeR - United States
Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25855) - you deserved it (4029)
On 08/21/2011 at 1:48am - kids - by callofdutyhater - United States (California)
Friday 24 May 2013
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