About Elitepotato
That's my caramel ball python archon. I got a dollar I got a dollar I got a dollar hey hey hey
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Elitepotato's favorite FMLs

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. In the entrance way I felt a slight tugging on my jeans. Used to my Doberman tugging when he wants to play, I shoved hard with my foot. I successfully punted their Chihuahua off the ground and into the next room where it landed with a thud. FML

By I think its dead - / Tuesday 15 January 2013 07:33 / Canada - Brandon

Today, my boyfriend questioned why I always put my shirts in the dryer right before wearing them. I told him it was because the dryer causes my shirts to regain their form and tightness. His response: "You should throw your vagina in there along with them." FML

By FYouBoyfriend - / Monday 30 August 2010 17:51 / United States

Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML

By Anonymous / Sunday 1 September 2013 23:55 / United States

Today, my boyfriend called me to break up with me. Immediately after we hung up, I started crying hysterically. I thought I dialed my best friend, and as soon as the line picked up, I yelled, "That motherfucker broke up with me!" My now ex-boyfriend replied, "Yeah, I know I did." FML

By Anonymous - / Friday 10 July 2009 18:47 / United States

Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML

By Anonymous / Thursday 23 May 2013 01:57 / Canada - Toronto