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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65187) - you deserved it (6888)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, a car hit me while I was in a crosswalk. The driver jumped out of her car and stepped over me to check her car for damage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32948) - you deserved it (2028)
On 06/15/2011 at 1:07am - health - by Username - United States (California)
Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28383) - you deserved it (18312)
On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30480) - you deserved it (44254)
On 03/20/2011 at 9:25pm - kids - by failureparent (man) - United States (California)
Today, on the train, I was bitten by a homeless man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33719) - you deserved it (3513)
On 12/29/2010 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35572) - you deserved it (2475)
On 10/07/2010 at 6:10am - love - by Alex - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13038) - you deserved it (18175)
On 09/07/2010 at 1:00am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I woke up in the hospital. I had apparently overworked my heart so much that I fainted. What caused it? I was playing a racing game on my Wii and freaked out when I won first place. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9952) - you deserved it (25819)
On 02/01/2010 at 7:40pm - health - by overexcited (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I woke up to realize that the guy who took my virginity last night also took my flat screen TV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18042) - you deserved it (6153)
On 01/03/2010 at 10:41pm - intimacy - by december2009 (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44257) - you deserved it (8187)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by whitewater_al (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I meant to express to my friends that I was enamored with a young saleswoman I had encountered at a store. I wanted to tell them that she was quite petite and that I am, in general, attracted to petite women. Instead I said "You know? I like little girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14866) - you deserved it (43428)
On 06/03/2009 at 1:23am - love - by boinger (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided it would be pretty amusing to press the "Like" button on everyone's status on Facebook without reading them just to get on peoples' nerves. After re-reading them later, I found out one of them said "I MISS YOU SOO MUCH GRANDMOM. RIP". I liked that her grandmother died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14958) - you deserved it (146983)
On 03/14/2009 at 1:50am - misc - by like - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I babysat a five year old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14340) - you deserved it (75017)
On 02/28/2009 at 5:59am - kids - by tryena (woman) - United States (Idaho)
Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25247) - you deserved it (2330)
On 12/11/2008 at 10:31pm - intimacy - by Black - Lebanon (Beqaa)
Monday 17 June 2013
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