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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, while showering with my boyfriend, he asked if something was weird about his penis. Naturally, I looked closer. As soon as I did, he sprayed my face with urine. This is only the beginning; we just moved in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37429) - you deserved it (6764)
On 05/07/2012 at 5:42am - intimacy - by quirrus (woman) - United States
Today, it was snowing, and the campus looked just lovely. I sat on a nearby window ledge to enjoy the view. I was joined by a girl who looked fascinated as well, so I decided to make small talk. She nodded, smiled wistfully, and said, "There's herpes in the air today." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16895) - you deserved it (1817)
On 04/25/2012 at 2:22am - intimacy - by intheairtonight (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33725) - you deserved it (2678)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (40024) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11621) - you deserved it (29649)
On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I posted on Facebook saying I'm in a new relationship. One of my buddies said, "You're cheating on Jill?" My girlfriend saw this and went completely nuts, not giving me a chance to explain that "Jill" is just a euphemism for your hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20224) - you deserved it (3845)
On 04/03/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by jackmehoffa (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
I agree, your life sucks (6143) - you deserved it (16672)
On 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I discovered that during fire drills, my school lines everyone up next to some extremely flammable and explosive propane tanks. If we ever have a real fire, we will all die. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22695) - you deserved it (1618)
On 02/25/2012 at 11:18pm - misc - by afraidtoburn (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9420) - you deserved it (31535)
On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)
Today, I met my brother for the first time in 20 years. Everything was going great, until he tried to make out with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35671) - you deserved it (1974)
On 02/16/2012 at 4:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was talking dirty with someone on the phone, when at one point I said, "Oh yeah, you like that?" She responded, "I can't actually feel anything you know, we're just on the phone." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8446) - you deserved it (21137)
On 01/25/2012 at 12:00am - intimacy - by talkingtoaretard (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a movie and eating a burger. Feeling frisky, I sat up and took off my shirt. He looked at my chest, at his burger, then back at me and said, "Give me a minute, I don't want my food to get cold." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13950) - you deserved it (26540)
On 01/24/2012 at 3:50am - intimacy - by elisimo - United States (New York)
Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10571) - you deserved it (54477)
On 12/22/2011 at 10:23am - work - by insomnia (woman) - United States
Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22597) - you deserved it (1410)
On 11/29/2011 at 12:34am - work - by kait - United States (New York)
Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25367) - you deserved it (11796)
On 11/26/2011 at 10:09am - intimacy - by hitintheeye - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 17 June 2013
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