Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

eggmarie

Offline (the 05/21/2014 at 5:47pm) | Search for a member

eggmarie

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2810
  • Number of comments : 253
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 10 posted

About eggmarie : I'm Erika, I'm 20, and you probably shouldn't take me seriously.

eggmarie's page activity

Visits<b>Googolman</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 4:50pm<b>ilmanator</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 10:52pm<b>Rain4Tears</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 9:20pm<b>invadermaythe1st</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 4:57pm<b>ced443</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 2:26am<b>flametrafox</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 10:53pm<b>Mornai</b> - the 05/10/2014 at 1:00pm<b>christofferkamal</b> - the 05/09/2014 at 3:07pm<b>ocramavaf</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 11:45pm<b>rabidunicorn</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 9:12pm<b>Quackadoodledoo</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 6:09pm<b>KingofBogans</b> - the 05/08/2014 at 4:42pm<b>DippinGrizzly907</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 8:47pm<b>ebonyirony</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 12:17am<b>PvtParts417</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 4:59pm<b>Elgaard</b> - the 05/03/2014 at 3:04am<b>band_whore</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 11:54pm<b>thatsawkward7</b> - the 05/02/2014 at 2:58pm

eggmarie's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of eggmarie's badges

eggmarie's favorite FMLs

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

#19893089
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20198) - you deserved it (2126)

On 07/05/2012 at 12:01am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on her, I'll be eye-to-eye with an adorable pony that shits rainbows. FML

#19881608
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30709) - you deserved it (4817)

On 07/02/2012 at 3:53pm - intimacy - by nobrony (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

#19877341
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32951) - you deserved it (4773)

On 07/01/2012 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

#19862258
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19848) - you deserved it (3402)

On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I found out that the phone number I switched to, used to host an amateur phone sex hotline. I found this out after getting several calls by teenagers, who sounded as if they were masturbating even as I yelled that they had the wrong number. FML

#19851648
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22880) - you deserved it (1598)

On 06/26/2012 at 5:10pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

#19824273
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21485) - you deserved it (9833)

On 06/21/2012 at 2:19pm - love - by igiveup (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend thought he could make a pregnancy test read positive by jizzing on it. FML

#19822088
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27737) - you deserved it (4246)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by really (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

#19806269
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28567) - you deserved it (2879)

On 06/18/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by DwarfFrog - United States

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

#19791305
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9726) - you deserved it (34309)

On 06/15/2012 at 7:27am - health - by latino14 - United States (Maryland)

Today, all my guy friends kept hugging me tightly and then softly and then tightly again. I later found out they just wanted to feel my boobs on their chests. FML

#19787758
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29129) - you deserved it (7817)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by a chick in California - United States (California)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14778) - you deserved it (28152)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I couldn't find my hairbrush anywhere; I ended up having to brush my hair with a fork. FML

#19712062
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19226) - you deserved it (6505)

On 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by jemila (woman) - United States

Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML

#19705574
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17687) - you deserved it (1722)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by wtf (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, after a surprise candlelit dinner and a two bottles of wine for my birthday, my boyfriend and I decided to take a sexy shower together. It ended with us both drunk, naked, and crying, wedged into a small tub together, talking about our dead pets. FML

#19702897
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30544) - you deserved it (7408)

On 05/30/2012 at 1:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend called me, panicking. Apparently he had a headache, but wasn't concentrating on what tablets he grabbed, and accidentally took tablets for "relief of period pain". He was convinced he was going to grow ovaries overnight. FML

#19697677
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23012) - you deserved it (2444)

On 05/29/2012 at 3:54am - health - by sopheeah - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: