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Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10408) - you totally deserved it (28291)
On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I tried to help a large, elderly nun who had slipped. She was stuck and wedged in on a concrete ramp. So I stood facing her, feet braced against hers, and pulled. Not only did I drop her, but I got a wicked view of her panties and crotch. I'm sure I'm going to hell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21355) - you totally deserved it (2169)
On 09/11/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by KarmaGirl (woman) - United States (New York)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (26321) - you totally deserved it (6199)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, as I was walking through the park I had to yawn. In mid-yawn, with my mouth wide open, I walked right through a spider web getting both the spider and the prey it was eating stuck in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30215) - you totally deserved it (4515)
On 09/08/2009 at 3:02pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her round, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27265) - you totally deserved it (11902)
On 09/08/2009 at 6:46am - love - by Charlie (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidently pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6767) - you totally deserved it (44106)
On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30992) - you totally deserved it (3259)
On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by shoelace18 - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27513) - you totally deserved it (10754)
On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I woke up to my five year old son picking off the scabs from his chicken pox and dropping them into my open mouth as I slept. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59353) - you totally deserved it (2525)
On 08/31/2009 at 6:05pm - kids - by beya (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, while emailing my very young, attractive teacher to ask a question, my hand slipped. Too bad you can't unsend emails that say "Can we meet after school some time? I have some thongs I'd like to discuss with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25745) - you totally deserved it (6867)
On 08/31/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37041) - you totally deserved it (12231)
On 08/12/2009 at 7:36pm - kids - by Ouch (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14563) - you totally deserved it (42650)
On 08/10/2009 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Morrowindwhore (man) - United Kingdom (Southampton)
Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30634) - you totally deserved it (2149)
On 08/05/2009 at 9:25pm - work - by caiti (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27895) - you totally deserved it (23456)
On 08/03/2009 at 11:08am - work - by MickeyDManager (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
