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earljonez

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earljonez

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Saturday 30 April 1988 (27 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1003
  • Number of comments : 96
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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earljonez's page activity

Visits<b>mainegurl0704401</b> - yesterday at 12:01pm<b>imapartypooper</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 5:18am<b>alijo1414</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 5:17pm<b>HopeLEssGossip</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 3:18pm<b>tori_8520</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 1:42pm<b>Jiratias</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 6:22am<b>ohmissjane</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 6:38pm<b>missa8604</b> - the 06/17/2015 at 10:29pm<b>seninaa</b> - the 06/04/2015 at 9:14am<b>Shayn_25</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 3:32pm<b>Nolimit2217</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:22am<b>JasonBB</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 12:38am<b>ptellini</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 2:52pm<b>besosforme</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 9:55am<b>KwtWaffles</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:14pm<b>Paras_800</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 7:19pm<b>MyDadLeftMeInKFC</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 5:29pm<b>Secret_Ninjaa</b> - the 04/16/2015 at 5:49am

Fucked!<b>kittina</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 2:40am

earljonez's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

See all of earljonez's badges

earljonez's favorite FMLs

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18055) - you deserved it (3276)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be hilarious to secretly swap her and my mom's numbers in my phone, then sexually tease me before going to work. I found out about the prank when I texted my "girlfriend", saying I was going to fuck her so hard she wouldn't walk straight for days. FML

#21443815
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29271) - you deserved it (3808)

On 07/19/2015 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went by myself to do a birthday party in a park, dressed as Elsa from Frozen. Everything was going fine until another Elsa and an Anna showed up to a nearby party. The kids then decided I was a fake and pulled my wig off. FML

#21439169
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25383) - you deserved it (2204)

On 07/09/2015 at 7:08pm - work - by princessrose - United States (Kansas)

Today, I took an online IQ test, even though I knew they give everyone unrealistically high scores. My score was 73. FML

#21436113
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21454) - you deserved it (5048)

On 07/03/2015 at 11:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I sent the girl I like flowers, only to have her later post a picture of them online, saying, "ha when losers send you flowers". FML

#21435086
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30180) - you deserved it (2049)

On 07/01/2015 at 10:04pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother-in-law started chasing my kids around her house to make them smell her freshly-washed underwear. They were thongs. FML

#21435026
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22762) - you deserved it (1376)

On 07/01/2015 at 7:38pm - misc - by bleachingmykidsbrains - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my 3-year-old pooped his pants in a public bathroom. As I was squatting down, doing my best to clean poop off of his legs and the floor, a wasp flew up my pant leg. I was stung four times before I danced it out of my pants. FML

#21433955
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23945) - you deserved it (1476)

On 06/29/2015 at 5:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

#21432524
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20795) - you deserved it (6405)

On 06/26/2015 at 8:57pm - misc - by college estudiata (woman) -

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

#21432392
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23468) - you deserved it (7557)

On 06/26/2015 at 3:56pm - work - by very analytical (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML

#21432346
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11990) - you deserved it (36841)

On 06/26/2015 at 2:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

#21430788
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21763) - you deserved it (5142)

On 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm - work - by Luke - United States (Texas)

Today, cops showed up at my house looking for an ex neighbor. It would be all cool if before knocking they didn't politely wait in front of my window listening me and my boyfriend having sex for half an hour. FML

#21418507
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28773) - you deserved it (2630)

On 05/31/2015 at 10:19am - intimacy - by bonsai_girl - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, it's been so long since I had sex that even in my sex dreams I'm watching porn alone. FML

Today, I saw my uncle, whom I have not seen in five years, at a family gathering. His reaction to seeing me? "Holy SHIT you have BOOBS! The guys must be all over you!" I awkwardly replied, "No..." Then he muttered, "I know I would." FML

Today, I had to say to my 23-year-old son that it's not a compliment to tell a woman that he wants to jam his cock down her throat. FML

#21405973
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32439) - you deserved it (4361)

On 05/06/2015 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by dadoftheyear (man) - United States



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