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earljonez

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earljonez

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 29 April 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 757
  • Number of comments : 64
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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earljonez's page activity

Visits<b>JocelynKaulitz</b> - the 01/24/2015 at 6:21am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 01/22/2015 at 7:53am<b>pris0027</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 2:10pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/08/2015 at 7:39am<b>buckstop1</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 11:08am<b>oathkeeper99</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 4:22pm<b>kittina</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 8:37pm<b>Diarrhea_Volcano</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 1:02am<b>LeahStrauss9512</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 1:51pm<b>littleteapot</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 9:16pm<b>DARKDAY07</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 5:59pm<b>Journiexo</b> - the 11/21/2014 at 5:55pm<b>Badluckbobby</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 10:47am<b>AFaye3964</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 7:23pm<b>jessica814590</b> - the 08/21/2014 at 5:34pm<b>DeltaDragonxx</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 1:52pm<b>foodluver7</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 4:39am<b>bigboi1992</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 7:33pm

Liked!<b>kittina</b> - the 11/28/2014 at 2:40am

earljonez's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

I’m your new creative director

You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

See all of earljonez's badges

earljonez's favorite FMLs

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

#21346279
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16172) - you deserved it (7483)

On 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

#21341383
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28233) - you deserved it (3382)

On 01/21/2015 at 12:34am - work - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I woke up with every muscle in my body hurting so bad I could hardly walk. Participation in a triathlon, or overdoing it at the gym? No, the results of a day spent cleaning the house. FML

#21331613
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24996) - you deserved it (5539)

On 01/05/2015 at 9:51pm - health - by FlabbyPants (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

#21324815
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13707) - you deserved it (33878)

On 12/26/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, immediately after being informed of the sketchy activities that take place in our store parking lot after dark, I'm handed an orange vest and told to go out there to retrieve carts. FML

#21321892
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26811) - you deserved it (2075)

On 12/22/2014 at 2:53am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found a book in my attic that I always read when I was a kid. For old times sake I read it again. On the very first page, child me had written, "Go to page 15" so I did. On page 15, in big red letters, it said, "Get bent". I got pranked by myself. FML

#21281163
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29778) - you deserved it (7884)

On 10/19/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by Deadpool434 (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML

#21222062
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53165) - you deserved it (6410)

On 07/27/2014 at 1:12pm - love - by fingwhore (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40345) - you deserved it (6129)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60969) - you deserved it (6718)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, a man started a deep conversation with me at the bus stop about life, death, and the miracles of things we take for granted every day. I was really enjoying it until he looked at his watch and said, "Oh shit, mushrooms make me lose track of time!" and ran off into the night. FML

#20998821
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39579) - you deserved it (4440)

On 12/20/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by whatjusthappened (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56454) - you deserved it (6015)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (82487) - you deserved it (8539)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my wife of four years revealed to me that she once had sex with six men at once back in college. Apparently she still fantasizes about it when we have sex. FML

#20087984
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33137) - you deserved it (3386)

On 09/25/2012 at 11:09am - intimacy - by supapimpin (man) - United States



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