I love being with my friends. I love animals. I still don't know what I want to be when I'm older.
Today, finally accepting the fact that the love of my life has moved on, I took myself to a movie, alone, on a Saturday night. After buying the last ticket to a sold out movie and trying to find the only open seat in the dark, I sit down... right next to my ex-best friend AND my ex-fiancé. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12113) - you totally deserved it (461)
On 03/13/2010 at 7:27pm - love - by hurt (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3851) - you totally deserved it (10282)
On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (1181) - you totally deserved it (3312)
On 03/06/2010 at 1:10am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3226) - you totally deserved it (749)
On 03/04/2010 at 10:48am - intimacy - by lalararara - United States
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
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On 03/04/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by fml1977 (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21958) - you totally deserved it (4580)
On 03/01/2010 at 5:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML
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On 02/28/2010 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Joel_28 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my younger sister said that she was going to pray for her brother's HIV. I have Primary Immune Disease (PID) not HIV. School will be very interesting tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12152) - you totally deserved it (551)
On 02/28/2010 at 7:03pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, while visiting my in-laws, I went into their home office in search of a sheet of scrap paper. Instead, I found printed copies of every email and IM my husband and I had ever sent each other, including pictures. Highlighted and annotated by his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17061) - you totally deserved it (645)
On 02/24/2010 at 12:47am - misc - by ks0300 - United States (Texas)
Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2607) - you totally deserved it (975)
On 02/24/2010 at 12:05am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Montana)
Today, I went to my hair dresser to get my haircut. When she asked me what I wanted, I told her "the usual". She confused me with another customer and gave me a mullet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6616) - you totally deserved it (13463)
On 02/17/2010 at 1:30am - misc - by Craig (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to have sex with with my boyfriend. After we had finished I jokingly said, "who's going to sleep in the wet patch?". He got up and said "you're optimistic, I'm not staying. Oh, and I'm dumping you, that performance was disappointing". It was my first time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6294) - you totally deserved it (869)
On 02/15/2010 at 8:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, while losing my virginity to my boyfriend, I had my first orgasm. I don't remember much of what I said during, but after it was all over, he looks at me and says, "You have terrible grammar during climax." FML
I agree, your life sucks (3188) - you totally deserved it (1084)
On 02/14/2010 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by klsdhjla (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I tried convincing my Valentine-hating boyfriend to send me a card, by explaining how important it is to me. He finally agreed and sent me a card. I opened it up, and it wished me 'harmony and well-being on Lupercalia'. What is Lupercalia? It's an ancient Roman festival where men run down the street naked, whipping people with goat skins to encourage fertility. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3696) - you totally deserved it (17882)
On 02/14/2010 at 1:56pm - love - by CrappyValentine (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, my boyfriend decided to name his penis "Jesus". For the last two hours he's been continuously asking if I "want to be touched by Jesus" or will I "let Jesus in to spread his warmth." FML
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On 02/11/2010 at 1:18am - intimacy - by syl - Canada (Alberta)
