"The past. It's done. It's unchangeable. Move on."
Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a happy meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19483) - you totally deserved it (1725)
On 10/17/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by paris78 - Canada (Ontario)
Today, a buttmunch customer brought in $7 worth of pennies I had to count and roll. As I was putting them in the deposite box at the end of my shift, I fumbled and dropped the rolls. All but one broke, spilling their contents on the floor. FML
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On 10/08/2009 at 11:17pm - money - by StellaSanguina (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
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On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML
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On 09/07/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Notyourstepmom - United States (Nevada)
Today, I got up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Service was spelled wrong and when I looked it up, error message 3265 does not exist. FML
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On 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by ZSL (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boss called me into his office. He then fired me. Upset, I asked him "Well, who's gonna replace me?" His answer was "I don't know and don't care. Everyone who works here hates you. Now go away." FML
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On 08/17/2009 at 5:16pm - work - by vmml97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to visit my girlfriend who lives 20 hours away. Four Red Bulls: $11.50. Gas: $200. Driving halfway across the country to find your girlfriend in bed with another guy? FML
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On 08/03/2009 at 1:15am - love - by Tuck_My_Life (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I sold a customer some beer. He then asked to see the manager, and told me he was a 19 year old undercover cop. My knee jerk reaction was to panic and curse aloud, before realizing he was balding, toothless, probably 50, certainly not a cop, and laughing at me for being such a gullible moron. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 3:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I went to a local concert. The singer from my favorite band stage-dived and I got to catch him. Unfortunately I was the only one to catch him. The next thing I know I'm pinned between him and the concrete floor as he finishes whatever part of the song he was on. He was fine, I hit my head. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 4:39am - misc - by epicfail (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 12:21am - love - by thefailure (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41056) - you totally deserved it (1023)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was working on a client's roof. Some neighborhood kids thought it would be hilarious if they knocked over my ladder. I was stuck on this roof in serious heat. I caught the attention of a pedestrian to come to my rescue. It was a little old lady. She gave me the finger and left. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you totally deserved it (961)
On 07/31/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by roofer (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML
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On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML
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On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia)
