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dreamsmasters

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dreamsmasters

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 28 November 1985 (28 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 130
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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dreamsmasters's page activity

Visits<b>kingsian</b> - the 02/14/2013 at 8:27am

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dreamsmasters's favorite FMLs

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30911) - you deserved it (8796)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was taking a walk when I noticed an elderly man on the ground, unmoving. Being a registered nurse, I tried to give him CPR. As my lips touched his, he hacked a loogie and spat it into the back of my throat. I swallowed. FML

#19991658
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33289) - you deserved it (5017)

On 07/29/2012 at 11:24pm - misc - by guy - United States (Ohio)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27379) - you deserved it (2358)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (3413)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML

#19984594
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24889) - you deserved it (1914)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Lilragu97 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

#19984576
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25604) - you deserved it (3423)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Just Me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (33292)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML

#19983789
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26870) - you deserved it (2080)

On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

#19959612
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25331) - you deserved it (2944)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went for a jog. I was 5 km away from home when I had a sudden urge to poop. I didn't want to use the bushes, so I thought I could hold it in. I was wrong. FML

#19890134
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21536) - you deserved it (5030)

On 07/04/2012 at 9:48am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML

#19873141
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18219) - you deserved it (2102)

On 06/30/2012 at 9:00pm - misc - by pissed off -

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30268) - you deserved it (2851)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

#19806269
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28565) - you deserved it (2879)

On 06/18/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by DwarfFrog - United States



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