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dogpfcorn

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  • Number of visits : 2289
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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dogpfcorn's favorite FMLs

Today, my apartment has been echoing all day with the wails of my cat, Butters. He's yet again managed to trap himself in the umbrella stand. In the past, he has eventually gotten himself out, but this time I think I might have to use a hacksaw. FML

#19684579
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17134) - you deserved it (2725)

On 05/26/2012 at 5:35pm - misc - by Dom - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

#19682982
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10489) - you deserved it (40611)

On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

#19673871
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19811) - you deserved it (2160)

On 05/24/2012 at 5:18pm - animals - by XxEmoWolfiexX (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I am on vacation in the Smoky Mountains with my parents. They just decided to take me to the place I was conceived seventeen years ago: a bench at a public park. FML

#19673132
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25088) - you deserved it (2213)

On 05/24/2012 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by anon - United States (Texas)

Today, I photoshopped a picture for my Facebook profile so my stomach would look a little flatter. I came back later, only to find someone had said, "What in God's name is this? Is your belly duck-facing?" and half a dozen other insults. FML

#19658445
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6270) - you deserved it (37735)

On 05/21/2012 at 6:38pm - misc - by Cam (woman) - United Kingdom (Devon)

Today, I spilled boiling water on my legs. A coworker told me that putting mustard on the burn would heal it. I ended up at the emergency room. When people walked by I could hear them say "it smells like hot dogs". FML

#19651204
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19326) - you deserved it (7700)

On 05/20/2012 at 11:03am - health - by jcdc - United States (Texas)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26410) - you deserved it (3001)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

#19644251
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23388) - you deserved it (4753)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:41pm - money - by me (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

#19643337
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11400) - you deserved it (30689)

On 05/18/2012 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by iris (woman) - Portugal (Lisboa)

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

#19642292
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27758) - you deserved it (2956)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

#19641324
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21202) - you deserved it (5786)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:13am - kids - by 23yearoldtoddler - United States

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

#19640453
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6410) - you deserved it (46255)

On 05/18/2012 at 2:07am - misc - by Karmaisabitch - United States (Colorado)

Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML

#19637447
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13910) - you deserved it (24775)

On 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
475 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47161) - you deserved it (4370)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, I was at the supermarket checkout. I handed over my items, which included some tampons, tissues, and toilet roll. The security guard standing beside the cashier remarked loudly, "I'll be damned; she's flowing from every hole!" FML

#19623439
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37880) - you deserved it (3967) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/14/2012 at 6:23pm - misc - by lafinesse (woman) -



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