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dogpfcorn

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  • Number of visits : 2448
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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dogpfcorn's favorite FMLs

Today, I was pooping at a local Target when I heard someone say "You need to eat more solids, you're pooping like a rabbit." FML

#20001897
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21237) - you deserved it (3669)

On 08/04/2012 at 7:35am - misc - by llaurenmariee - United States

Today, I woke up to find my cat has gone into heat. Her favorite thing to do right now is sticking her ass in my face and howling like a Nazgûl. FML

#19992743
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19488) - you deserved it (4007)

On 07/30/2012 at 2:05pm - animals - by soph511 (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

#19987975
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11175) - you deserved it (39220)

On 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm - intimacy - by clayton (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my husband and I were watching Lord of the Rings. My husband told me he sees the eye of Sauron every time he goes down on me. FML

#19986172
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23582) - you deserved it (3423)

On 07/26/2012 at 10:13pm - intimacy - by LOTRfail (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9403) - you deserved it (33391)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)

Today, everyone found out about the strange but intense fetish I have for women physically lifting me. It all came out when my friend, a female bodybuilder, decided to grab and pick me up for a laugh. I came in my pants, in front of about twenty people. FML

#19983416
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38270) - you deserved it (8185)

On 07/25/2012 at 12:51pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was in line at the pharmacy when the man in front of me asked if I wanted to see a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. Before I had time to answer, he showed me a picture of a turd that looked like an uncircumcised penis. FML

#19981127
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25103) - you deserved it (2011)

On 07/24/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by Uncircumcised Penis - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

#19972193
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21926) - you deserved it (1514)

On 07/22/2012 at 1:04am - work - by missingphoneproblems (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

#19971025
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27894) - you deserved it (2947)

On 07/21/2012 at 10:30pm - health - by Luna - United States (New York)

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

#19962934
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18038) - you deserved it (26313)

On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

#19959638
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23964) - you deserved it (5465)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm - intimacy - by cortanaisahobot - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

#19959363
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10715) - you deserved it (36828)

On 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm - misc - by Bontempi (man) - France

Today, my boyfriend told me that my vagina looks like Yoda. FML

#19939315
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29965) - you deserved it (4997)

On 07/15/2012 at 12:09am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up naked, duck taped to the wall with no memory of last night. FML

#19935617
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10116) - you deserved it (31458)

On 07/14/2012 at 1:49am - misc - by tapeissticky591 - Canada (Alberta)



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