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dogpfcorn
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  • Number of visits : 1571
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 26 posted

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dogpfcorn's favorite FMLs

Today, yet again, I was getting intimate with my shower head. Some complete genius decided to flush the toilet downstairs halfway through, which sent scalding-hot water all up in my privates. I've yet to find a comfortable sitting position. FML

#20046536
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14233) - you deserved it (34930)

On 08/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Bethany (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

#20044244
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21447) - you deserved it (2820)

On 08/27/2012 at 8:57am - love - by kvdfan (woman) - United States

Today, after having recently moved into shared accommodations, my prankster of a room-mate has somehow made sure I've yet again woken up with a tampon in my mouth. It's been three times in the past week. FML

#20036157
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16882) - you deserved it (1638)

On 08/22/2012 at 7:10pm - misc - by idontbleedfromthere (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
500 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10352) - you deserved it (144726)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML

#20023096
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24654) - you deserved it (1789)

On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

#20022706
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21597) - you deserved it (5923)

On 08/15/2012 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by foreveravirgin (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, after sex, my boyfriend and I lay in bed for a couple of hours just chatting. This would have been lovely. However, his topic of choice for post-coital pillow talk was his theory about how Chewbacca is secretly the leader of the Rebel Alliance. It actually made sense. FML

#20020311
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (6534)

On 08/14/2012 at 8:17am - intimacy - by cl4ptp (woman) - United Kingdom (Vale of Glamorgan, The)

Today, yet again, I had to dye my hair brown in advance of the new school year, because my school doesn't allow "unapproved" colors, even if they're natural. FML

#20018767
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26512) - you deserved it (1811)

On 08/13/2012 at 1:50pm - misc - by youmothERFUCKErs (woman) - United States

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

#20018573
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10366) - you deserved it (31008)

On 08/13/2012 at 11:06am - intimacy - by didntevenknow (woman) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

#20017341
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16928) - you deserved it (1244)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized that if I died tomorrow, the only photos available for my funeral would be crappy family Christmas portraits, acne-filled yearbook photos, and several pictures from my MySpace days, where I'm sporting coontails and looking paler than Edward Cullen's ass. FML

#20016902
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14666) - you deserved it (6714)

On 08/12/2012 at 1:31pm - misc - by kherien (woman) - United States

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26640) - you deserved it (7724)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13816) - you deserved it (37118)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

#20011677
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5723) - you deserved it (43927)

On 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm - misc - by feelsterrible (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I found one of my mom's old diaries that dated back to my infant days. I couldn't help but read a little. I'm now in great concern over how many times my mom wrote that she wanted to dunk me in the toilet or throw me against a wall. FML

#20010632
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20716) - you deserved it (3179)

On 08/09/2012 at 12:19am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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