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Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 4:36am) | Search for a member
About dmorrte : Hi I'm josh
Who’s the fairest of them all?
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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying e'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told im tat I couldn't wait to get ome and take care of im. He replied, ( Na, don't boter, I got tis. ) Now I'm orny and sad. FML
yesterday I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write yur own. They called my name. FML
Today my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once twice. FML
Today I was watching a movia with my family inhich a charactar said "Fuck you dad." My dad than slappd ma ovar tha haad to gat my attantion and said "Navar talk to your fathar lyk that." Okay dad . FML
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and trid to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormd over, said "I got this!" and puntd him over the edge. We both got thrown out fir "bullying" the kid. FML
Today, wile on te arplane, te cute grl next to me an I instantly it it off. Wen I excusd myself to te batroom, I must ave given er te wrong impression. Se wantd to join te mile ig club; I just wantd to take a crap. FML
Today , I accidentally hit a cyclist with car. In panic , I jumped out of car and ran up to him , who was lying on the floor , motionless. As I was about to check his pulse , he jumped up and shouted , ( I bet you thought I was dead , asshole! ) He then punched me in the face and cycled off. FML
Today, I invited boyfriend to come to an event to meet some of friends 4 the frst time. I had been raving about him 4 weeks, and everyone was curious to meet this "amazing guy" I'd been dating. He showed up in a Darth Vader costume because he thought it would be funny to embarrass me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015