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dieselguy's FML badges
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
dieselguy's favorite FMLs
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was sneaking over to my girlfriend's house. I sent her mother a text message thinking it was my girlfriend saying "There's a stalker coming in to make you his play mate ;]" Unfortunately when I got to her window I was greeted by her dad with a bat. FML
by Ohfman117 / 08/11/2009 at 4:30pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Tuck_My_Life / 08/03/2009 at 1:15am / United States (New Hampshire) / Love
by anonymous / 06/24/2009 at 2:13am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
by Ohshit / 05/17/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I was discussing sex with my guy friends in their dorm when I asked one of them what he would do if I got naked and crawled into his bed. He replied, "Nothing. You're one of the guys now." They all agreed. FML
by NeverGonnaGetAny / 02/23/2009 at 2:28pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by ADT / 02/08/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML
by screwed. / 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
- Today, my girlfriend got a tattoo of a Rainbow Dash over her pubic mound. Now whenever I go down on… Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis… Today, my boyfriend called condoms the "biggest scam in history" and said I won't get pregnant if I…
- Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I came back from the hospital after back surgery which required putting screws in my spine.… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…