Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

devildog562

Search for a member

devildog562

170Fucked!

devildog562devildog562
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3421
  • Number of comments : 888
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About devildog562 : Daily ramble:
Enslaved- silly kitty always singing
Docbastard-comments are surgically written.
Perdix - bring him back!
My close friends jack, Johnny , Jameson
Baustigt- smartest dog I've ever met
Welshite- still want to know what it's used for
Noor- where have you gone
The fml team for correcting and sometimes, not so much anymore, correcting and shutting dipshits up . Beep.

Currently in the political game, and running for presidency. After presidency I aim for world domination. After world domination, I shall obtain the Dallas cowboys. Vote for Chad! Thank you. Enjoy quick,cheap laughs. Meeting new people is always a plus.Messaging is welcome and free! No subject is taboo.

devildog562's page activity

Visits<b>Dylancars1337</b> - 7 hours ago<b>michaelm1290</b> - yesterday at 9:42am<b>hellpop</b> - yesterday at 8:07am<b>poptarts4lyf</b> - yesterday at 7:56pm<b>Amateur_Dank</b> - yesterday at 5:43pm<b>Greeder45xL</b> - yesterday at 2:48pm<b>chloebrynn</b> - the 05/20/2015 at 12:37am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 4:52pm<b>this_ghetto</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 12:07pm<b>teletubbylover</b> - the 05/19/2015 at 8:15am<b>buckdharma</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 7:23pm<b>LyonDetreny</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 6:16pm<b>skye147</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 4:30pm<b>Kainen</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 2:51pm<b>tigersman1c</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 2:07pm<b>companion</b> - the 05/18/2015 at 1:12am<b>FastNLoud225</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 7:44pm<b>Novadi</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 4:22pm

Fucked!<b>Jpav1</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 3:13pm<b>mitlaeufer</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 9:19am<b>praesidiem</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 8:19pm<b>bryce0110</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 5:49am<b>sdroze1389</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 11:42am<b>apineapple</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 6:07am<b>Bazinga_1821</b> - the 04/28/2015 at 6:24am<b>FrankiPie</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 10:01pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 4:44pm<b>justmenooneelse</b> - the 04/21/2015 at 4:50pm<b>maddss49</b> - the 04/18/2015 at 1:55am<b>demonddm</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 8:07pm<b>LlamaFlavoured</b> - the 04/09/2015 at 6:49pm<b>Wabbajack789</b> - the 03/29/2015 at 7:26pm<b>aylamarie93</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 2:19am<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 1:03am<b>saraitkddh</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 10:50pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 8:02pm

devildog562's FML badges

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of devildog562's badges

devildog562's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML

#21408859
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28340) - you deserved it (3799)

On 05/12/2015 at 8:53am - intimacy - by Darryl - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it's been a week since I was dumped. I planned to stay at my apartment, cry and eat chocolate in peace. My roommate decided to have loud sex with her boyfriend in the apartment. She refused to quiet down, saying "My body, my rules." FML

#21379056
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28907) - you deserved it (3566)

On 03/21/2015 at 5:59pm - intimacy - by stoprubbingitinmyface (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I received an urgent call from my son's nursery asking me to collect him, saying he was, "lethargic, complaining about being ill and crying". I get there and he's running around, playing and admits he just wanted to come home. They still made me take him home. FML

#21368524
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28165) - you deserved it (2336)

On 03/05/2015 at 7:38am - kids - by MrsRODixon - United Kingdom (Bridgend)

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

#21360985
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32571) - you deserved it (1911)

On 02/22/2015 at 11:09am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a phone with most of my female contacts missing. I think I'm dating a psycho. FML

#21359722
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33320) - you deserved it (4555)

On 02/20/2015 at 8:35am - love - by FunGhoost - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

Today, apparently when you tell a hairdresser "A little off the sides." they hear "A bowl cut, please, and make it look extra stupid." FML

#21354162
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29467) - you deserved it (3278)

On 02/11/2015 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - France (Bretagne)

Today, after telling my husband he can send me dirty texts any time, he sent me one from work. It said, "Babe when I get home, I'm gonna go 9/11 on your pussy ;)". I'm still not sure he understands why that was so offensive. FML

#21347069
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26834) - you deserved it (5126)

On 01/30/2015 at 11:04pm - intimacy - by The Soul Of A Damned Queef (woman) - United States (California)

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

#21314514
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32487) - you deserved it (2861)

On 12/09/2014 at 4:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a performance. I have to go bra-less to wear my gown and I didn't want any peek-a-boos. I asked my boyfriend to bring "large band-aids" without telling him why I needed them. He brought waterproof, top-notch tough ones. They're still stuck to me, and are not coming off anytime soon. FML

#21310328
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29132) - you deserved it (6157)

On 12/02/2014 at 8:14pm - misc - by smiles (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my grandpa came into my room and asked for a pen. As I gave it to him, he let rip the foulest fart I've ever smelled in my life, and walked out without a word. 2 hours later, the smell is not only still there, it's filled the room. Looks like I'm sleeping downstairs on the couch tonight. FML

#21304373
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29460) - you deserved it (2752)

On 11/23/2014 at 7:52am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my coworker and I announced that we are spending our holidays together, because we both have kids. My boss announced he is coming with us. FML

#21303728
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29041) - you deserved it (3417)

On 11/22/2014 at 5:16am - work - by Carnage23 (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I realized why I never hear my voice echoing when I sing to my boyfriend on Skype; he just mutes me. FML

#21296304
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34526) - you deserved it (10828)

On 11/10/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, army recruiters came to my school and set up some punching bags to attract potential recruits. I gave it a shot, managing to set the highest score at my school and fracture my wrist at the same time. FML

#21291962
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32528) - you deserved it (6558)

On 11/04/2014 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32808) - you deserved it (4579)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



Caleb Taylor's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #14
  • We're back! Hooray! It's the month of May and time once again to dig around the FML postbag to see what wonders of the English language we can find. Like a sculptor making a statue out of a block of marble,…

Wednesday 20 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: