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dertwev

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dertwev

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  • Number of visits : 375
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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dertwev's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

#19736092
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32029) - you deserved it (2846)

On 06/04/2012 at 11:47pm - work - by kufan1324 - United States

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

#19730259
280 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30478) - you deserved it (3006)

On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23419) - you deserved it (4794)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

#19716339
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30240) - you deserved it (2561)

On 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I was watching a movie in the basement with my boyfriend when we started to get a little frisky. My mom walks down with dirty laundry and tells him to stop it because I'm creaming all over my undies. She showed him a pair of dirty ones to prove it. FML

#18937632
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48450) - you deserved it (8153)

On 01/28/2012 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by Tiana - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I changed my relationship status on Facebook from "in a relationship" to "single." I forgot to take my phone to work, and when I got back, I saw someone had replied, "What happened?" Someone else commented, "He broke his hand." My ex and a bunch of other "friends" liked it. FML

#18935378
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20493) - you deserved it (4259)

On 01/28/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, a man crashed into my car. He then got out of his car, dug a toothbrush and toothpaste out of his bag, and tried to brush away the damage. FML

#18851761
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27036) - you deserved it (1930)

On 01/19/2012 at 7:17am - misc - by toothpaste (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML

#18844188
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31743) - you deserved it (4976)

On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

#18815086
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26403) - you deserved it (4304)

On 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by soontobedumped (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

#18742973
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34424) - you deserved it (10556)

On 01/08/2012 at 2:34am - misc - by VerbalDiarrhea (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML

#18254256
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26031) - you deserved it (15463)

On 11/15/2011 at 9:38am - animals - by yuck - United Kingdom (Bolton)

Today, my date threw a fit, burst into tears, and made a huge scene in the middle of a crowded restaurant, all because I offered to pay. FML

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to have sex with a piece of fruit. FML

#18190231
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43085) - you deserved it (7858)

On 11/08/2011 at 1:11am - intimacy - by lunarstrain - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I had to endure yet another evening of the old man in the apartment above me screaming, "No, I don't want to shave my nose hair, you crazy bitch." He lives alone. FML

#18178318
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27814) - you deserved it (1984)

On 11/06/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by hurtsmyears (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24339) - you deserved it (2845)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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