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deltecwifi

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deltecwifi
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 25 April 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 307
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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deltecwifi's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52856) - you deserved it (2735)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49528) - you deserved it (5694)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing hysterically, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

#20868509
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36092) - you deserved it (2463)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:45am - misc - by down trodden (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML

#20867818
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41213) - you deserved it (2718)

On 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm - work - by dear god help me. - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML

#20866525
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22054) - you deserved it (35150)

On 09/03/2013 at 7:53pm - health - by ugh - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that Cheetos are flammable, as is my hair. FML

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

#20862305
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51693) - you deserved it (5346)

On 08/31/2013 at 9:21pm - intimacy - by SplishSplash (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter and I were driving home when our truck broke down. A police officer stopped and offered to let me and my two year old sit in his car for the A/C. When we got in, I sat her on my lap, and she pulled down my tank top and screamed "Boobies!" right in front of the officer. FML

#20862202
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40232) - you deserved it (3509)

On 08/31/2013 at 7:48pm - kids - by embarrassedmom - United States

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

#20861465
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39462) - you deserved it (3242)

On 08/31/2013 at 8:14am - health - by faulty plumbimg! (woman) - India

Today, my wife appropriated our savings to finance her crazy, midlife crisis idea of designing and marketing Cheez Whiz dildos. FML

#20860571
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33385) - you deserved it (2453)

On 08/30/2013 at 5:05pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47052) - you deserved it (8822)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I could hear my daughter playing with her Barbie dolls in her room. "Do you think your boss will agree to give you a raise?", she said. "Of course, we slept together!" My daughter is six. FML

#20856377
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46004) - you deserved it (7630) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2013 at 6:32am - kids - by Poly24 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45216) - you deserved it (4409)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML

#20852629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49085) - you deserved it (6442)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Isle of Man

Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML

#20852599
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37515) - you deserved it (3661)

On 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm - kids - by thanks mom ¬_¬ (man) - United States (California)



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