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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was giving my 4 month old son a bath. I felt something in the tub and thought it was a fragment of a bar of soap, but couldn't see because of the suds. I squeezed it and brought it to the surface, revealing my son's green poop. He was smiling at me. FML
Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML
Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML
Today, I was playing musical chairs at a family reunion. It's a well known fact that I'm competitive and tend to hip check people to get that last chair. It came down to me and The Nana. I won. The Nana has a broken hip. FML