About decko44 : If you can read this STOP BEING A CREEPER!!! OR I WILL KILL YOU!!!
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decko44's favorite FMLs
by Molly / 11/14/2009 at 2:48pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML
by ofcourse / 09/13/2009 at 2:12am / United States (West Virginia) / Work
Today, I was working at a hospital-level rest home. I was making the rounds when I noticed a woman was sitting in her (electric) wheelchair in the middle of the hall. Going closer I saw her battery was flat so I said "Uh-oh! Looks like you've died." She bawled her eyes out and said "Not yet." FML
by Anonymous / 09/09/2009 at 5:58am / New Zealand (Otago) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
by Anonymous / 09/02/2009 at 1:56am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML
by BlueBaby123 / 07/25/2009 at 7:30am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I was shopping for my little sister's birthday. She loves manga. I've never read manga, so I bought a couple of novels from the "popular" shelf. Turns out if they have white covers it means they are "adult" books. I bought my sister a "lolicon" manga - filled with prebuscent naked girls. FML
by loli-conned / 06/21/2009 at 6:10pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Kids
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
by Toothy_Peg / 06/13/2009 at 11:13am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped grabbed the ball for the kid and started to hand it to him. He then yelled "Stranger Danger" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30mins. FML
by TheJoker / 05/12/2009 at 1:25am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2009 at 5:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leaving a campus parking garage. Suddenly, a huge man appeared behind me and kept saying "HEY!" "STOP!" In a gruff voice. I picked up my pace and so did he. I finally turned to him with a can of mace and threatened to use it. He was trying to return the $5 bill I dropped. FML
by CriminalMistake / 05/04/2009 at 1:08am / United States (Indiana) / Money
Today, I went to the dentist. After drilling my teeth for what seemed like hours, he gave me a long speech about how if I continue to smoke, the yellowing of my teeth won't be the only problem. I don't smoke. I never have. FML
by bananayellowteeth / 05/03/2009 at 4:37am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
by cxcrktkt / 04/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML
by UH-OH / 03/15/2009 at 12:22am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I finally told my best friend whom I've secretly been in love with for two years that I was in love with her but at the last second chickened out and said I was joking. She replied with "Don't scare me like that. I thought I was going to have to find a new best friend for a second" FML
by crap / 03/06/2009 at 11:17pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…