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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30017) - you deserved it (17120)
On 05/28/2009 at 1:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I thought it would be funny to bother my friend Emily. I kept punching her. She asked if I wanted to fight. I agreed because she's a 15 year old skinny girl and I'm 17 year old buff guy. She beat the crap out of me until I cried. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13284) - you deserved it (104507)
On 05/24/2009 at 5:49am - misc - by AyoitsSteveo (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was putting on cream and my son asked what it was for. I told him it was to keep the wrinkles away. He looked at me closely and replied, "I don't think it's working." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36409) - you deserved it (4437)
On 05/23/2009 at 1:04am - kids - by julieb (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72551) - you deserved it (7925)
On 05/22/2009 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by herve (man) - Lebanon (Beyrouth)
Today, we went out to dinner to a family restaurant, and I was wearing a skirt since it's so warm out. My 4 year old scooted under the table to sit next to his brother. When he popped up on the other side, he exclaimed, "Mommy! You forgot to put on your underwears!" People were staring. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13288) - you deserved it (44878)
On 05/21/2009 at 8:45am - kids - by whoopsiedoodle (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my 6 year old daughter saw a man in a wheelchair who's leg had been amputated. She walks up to him and says, "What happened?". He answers kindly that he's a war veteran. She then responds, "Well then you deserve to get your leg blown off. You shouldn't be killing people." FML
I agree, your life sucks (78683) - you deserved it (15587)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:19pm - kids - by embarrassedmom (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13168) - you deserved it (43696)
On 05/17/2009 at 9:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Wexford)
Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53755) - you deserved it (12789)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:32am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24317) - you deserved it (67675)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52174) - you deserved it (4038)
On 05/17/2009 at 1:46am - work - by sonofmilf (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38643) - you deserved it (6727)
On 05/16/2009 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50247) - you deserved it (39081)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, in class the guy next to me was talking to a girl across the room using gestures to help get across his message. Apparently, pointing at me is the best way to say "ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43062) - you deserved it (2366)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:34pm - misc - by uglyguy252 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38393) - you deserved it (6781)
On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)
Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12758) - you deserved it (37899)
On 05/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by penguinsfan (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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