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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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dazzle_me_lovely's favorite FMLs
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Health
by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 2:38am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend. He's been calling his penis "fun-sized" for a while now, but I didn't know he meant it really was the size of a fun-size candy bar. I'm pretty sure I'm still technically a virgin. FML
by Anonymous / 01/05/2011 at 3:49pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 11:05pm / United States (Texas) / Work
by ewicsmelly / 12/28/2010 at 9:13pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/11/2010 at 12:10am / Indonesia / Work
by momoffour / 12/05/2010 at 4:30am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
by Username / 11/29/2010 at 9:22am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 12:57am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML
by painfulintercourse / 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by yay! / 11/08/2010 at 1:07am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
Today, I'm training to be a nurse in a hospital. Our teacher asked for a volunteer to demonstrate how bed restraints work. After I was shackled to the bed she said, "Now let's make sure they work. Are you ticklish?" My entire class tickled me until I screamed, cried and nearly wet my pants. FML
by nurse / 11/03/2010 at 8:08am / Reserved / Work
Today, I came home from a four day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she has been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
by JLD / 10/11/2010 at 12:34am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by blah blah daddy / 10/02/2010 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Kids
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…