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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
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dazzle_me_lovely's favorite FMLs
Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML
by hubby / 10/08/2013 at 1:57pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was working behind the bar at a club. After serving drinks to a guy, he asked me if I could carry them outside to the two girls waiting for him. I scowled at him and told him I wasn't a waitress. That's when I realised he had one arm. FML
by bitch / 10/07/2013 at 3:37am / Australia / Work
by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by CreamGravy / 10/06/2013 at 9:54am / Australia (Queensland) / Work
Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML
by katt_is_here / 10/06/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML
by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
Today, I was reminded that while I have a nice waist, bum and boobs, I'm unspeakably ugly. I was walking down the street when a guy wolf-whistled from behind me, and when I turned around, he visibly recoiled in disgust. FML
by british_babe / 10/05/2013 at 1:51pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by wasted_gas / 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML
by CelibateHero / 10/05/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Indiana) / Transportation
Today, I went to the gym. I tried out a new machine where you do one-arm weightlifting. I took my time to get into a good position, then set the machine to the lowest weight possible. I couldn't even lift it an inch. A bunch of buff guys nearby saw me and burst out laughing. FML
by likeyourboss / 10/04/2013 at 12:05pm / Denmark / Health
by Lilly / 10/02/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, my bully made me cry once again. It's been going on for weeks. I don't know who to turn to; I can't say anything because I'd get into even more trouble. He even stole my Nintendo 3DS and won't give it back. My bully is my girlfriend's son. He's 10. FML
by PickedOnByDamien / 10/02/2013 at 4:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by BasketGhost / 10/02/2013 at 2:36am / United States (New York) / Animals
by DOCMONROE / 09/30/2013 at 6:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 12:23pm / United States (Oregon) / Animals
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…