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Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidently pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6605) - you totally deserved it (43299)
On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36293) - you totally deserved it (2383)
On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I tried to initiate sex with my boyfriend. As I put on my most seductive moves, he ever so nicely says, "Babe, we just had sex last night. Why don't we wait a while so you've had some time to tighten back up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40745) - you totally deserved it (5335)
On 08/27/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by LizP40 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my husband came home from shopping with my 4 year old daughter and showed me a shirt she picked out herself. The shirt read "My mom's easy i'm living proof." Apparently she just liked the colours and her father agreed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21268) - you totally deserved it (2065)
On 08/22/2009 at 5:29am - kids - by naughtyshirt (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I farted while I was in line at the bank. I tried to pretend it wasn't me by looking at the man behind me and turning back with a disgusted look on my face. I thought I had gotten away with it when the man yells "It wasn't me, this bitch did it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (3973) - you totally deserved it (48671)
On 08/19/2009 at 7:39am - misc - by moutz (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46011) - you totally deserved it (8507)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11106) - you totally deserved it (22795)
On 07/21/2009 at 4:22pm - health - by torkx3 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was talking to the girl I've liked for 2 years. We were assigned partners for a History project so we were going to work on it at my house. When she asked me for directions, I told her I lived on Woodcock Road. She yelled slapped me and stormed off. I was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36147) - you totally deserved it (1434)
On 07/20/2009 at 12:04am - love - by thicklysettled (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76679) - you totally deserved it (2259)
On 07/19/2009 at 9:06pm - love - by Loveless (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was waiting in line for breakfast at the McDonalds drive-thru. After getting so fed up that the line hadn't budged for 10 mins, I decided to pull out of the line just to realize I was waiting behind 2 parked cars that were just to the left of the drive-thru lane. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4639) - you totally deserved it (33766)
On 07/09/2009 at 10:01am - misc - by StUbbY (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom when randomly turned to me and said: "You know, you're the kind of person that has to change literally everything about themselves to get a guy to like you." I thought she was joking so I laughed. She then said "Like that. Your laugh... What is that? Change that." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47027) - you totally deserved it (2618)
On 07/08/2009 at 5:43pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52956) - you totally deserved it (8825)
On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5226) - you totally deserved it (45071)
On 07/01/2009 at 6:31am - intimacy - by paprikarulz (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22846) - you totally deserved it (54815)
On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, as I was washing the dishes, I felt what I thought was a mosquito on my leg. I kicked at it with my foot only to realize that I had just kicked my adopted puppy in the face. Now, whenever I come into a room, he runs to the corner and pees. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15959) - you totally deserved it (53721)
On 04/24/2009 at 11:18am - misc - by Anonymousagb (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)
