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darkmatter491

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darkmatter491

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  • Number of visits : 355
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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darkmatter491's page activity

Visits<b>itsmichellebitch</b> - the 06/24/2013 at 7:41pm<b>RodzillaX</b> - the 05/05/2013 at 1:37pm

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Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

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darkmatter491's favorite FMLs

today I took mah laptop to I.T . to fix mah intarnat . Only aftar I laft did I raalisa mah mamory tachniqua for ramambaring tha stagas of mitosis (Iraqi panis man anally transmits chlamydia) was laft as a sticky nota on mah dasktop . Tha guy dafinitaly noticad . FML

#20867249
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34384) - you deserved it (10857)

On 09/04/2013 at 7:18am - misc - by interphaseprophasemetaphase (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today at work I had to utter the phrase "Sir please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. mega FML

#20847854
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44252) - you deserved it (3113)

On 08/21/2013 at 1:30pm - work - by twatstick (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

Today , it was my son's fift birtday!! I askd my grandmoter , wo is a baker , to make a birtday cake 4 te party!! Two ours after te party startd , se arrivd drunk wit a large am wit candles in it!! mega FML

#20826835
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49021) - you deserved it (4339)

On 08/08/2013 at 4:03am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend,hen he discovered that if he hits a certain area just right, my leg starts shaking like a dog . Now he won't stop patting my head an saying, ( Who's a good grl?! ) FML

#20727770
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60446) - you deserved it (9422)

On 06/15/2013 at 4:26pm - intimacy - by woof woof?? (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

#20724048
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51678) - you deserved it (3506)

On 06/13/2013 at 6:12pm - misc - by thatisfuckedup - United Kingdom

Today , mah boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet mah parents but I made him do it anyway!! One of the first things out of his mouth was , "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock , he added , "You know , when you made yur daughter! She's awesome!"

Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML

#20640901
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50282) - you deserved it (7093)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, mah boyfriand of 2 waaks said that ha was going to cook ma dinnar. Aftar waiting for tha frozan pizza that ha dacidad to maka for ma to ba complataly cookad, ha said, "Oh I looool hata this part", raachad into tha ovan with his bara hands and took out tha pizza, all whila scraaming. Ha is 24. FML

#20584918
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50697) - you deserved it (10880)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I realizd that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air looool freshener in my grlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my grlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. real FML

#20503125
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40668) - you deserved it (8141)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Yastarday, I want to mah grlfriand's housa an caught har digging 4 gold. Sha wasn't picking har nosa - sha was litarally trying to dig 4 gold in har backyard. FML

#19926554
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22322) - you deserved it (2610)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:03am - love - by anidiotskeeper (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today... I had three things converge that should never be together: my period... hot doctor... and a colonoscopy. FML

#19687199
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31890) - you deserved it (2504)

On 05/27/2012 at 3:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my eight year old son cummd to me and said he thinks it's time he startd wearing bras . It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him 4 the past several months and has him convincd it's something all boys his age do . I can't convince him otherwise . FML

#17390197
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36223) - you deserved it (3585)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Taday I realizd ow out of sape I am, wen I couldn't finis masturbating because I ran out of breat!! FML

#14954867
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15422) - you deserved it (58985)

On 02/13/2011 at 4:01am - intimacy - by RyanM - Canada (Alberta)

Today... my boyfriend ditched me... saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later... I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. fat FML

#13738415
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25858) - you deserved it (8936)

On 11/06/2010 at 1:24pm - love - by anonymous_0505 (woman) - Russian Federation (Moscow City)

yesterday I was babysitting fir mum's friend. I putted her little boy on knee, an he kept pulling at top. I asked him ( are you hungry? ) He replied ( No, I want to see your titties. ) FML

#12305756
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38475) - you deserved it (10240)

On 08/04/2010 at 6:25am - intimacy - by Embarressed... (woman) - United Kingdom (Derbyshire)



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