About dansythomas : I like cupcakes and texting
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dansythomas's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML
by xkellybabyyx / 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by loldick / 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 6:12am / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous
by chipmunk / 10/29/2009 at 1:20am / United States (California) / Love
by stixx / 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (California) / Animals
by lovebigmacs / 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by FML / 08/30/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML
by notguilty / 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML
by LoLLightning / 06/27/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
by LondonKitsch / 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by FattyMcFatterson / 06/23/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
by the_captain / 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals
- Today, I was playing video games when my balls felt itchy. I had been sick for the past few days so… Today I had to contact tech support for my computer. I had a chat window open + a customer service… Today, I saw a cute girl working at one of those fancy pizza places. I gave her a tip and she gave…