About dansythomas : I like cupcakes and texting
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dansythomas's favorite FMLs
Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML
by xkellybabyyx / 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by loldick / 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/08/2009 at 6:12am / Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg) / Miscellaneous
by chipmunk / 10/29/2009 at 1:20am / United States (California) / Love
by stixx / 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm / United States (California) / Animals
by lovebigmacs / 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by FML / 08/30/2009 at 10:15am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2009 at 7:40am / United Kingdom (Reading) / Animals
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML
by notguilty / 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML
by LoLLightning / 06/27/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
by LondonKitsch / 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by FattyMcFatterson / 06/23/2009 at 10:37pm / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML
by the_captain / 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML
by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm / United Kingdom / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…