Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dansythomas

Search for a member

dansythomas

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 January 1998 (16 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 925
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About dansythomas : I like cupcakes and texting

dansythomas's page activity

Visits<b>ChaCerCam1</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 12:45pm<b>horsehaed7</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 5:11pm<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 12:42am<b>tonjuu</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 4:24am<b>DrSkillz</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 8:41pm<b>tjw1616</b> - the 11/19/2013 at 10:57pm<b>britt96britt</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 7:31am<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 11:50pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 10/29/2013 at 11:47pm<b>mokibear335</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 10:21pm<b>Sporkly</b> - the 08/06/2013 at 4:31pm<b>somemom</b> - the 07/04/2013 at 4:35pm<b>Jashira0723</b> - the 04/21/2013 at 2:16pm<b>fatman1970</b> - the 09/27/2012 at 2:49am<b>Snaek</b> - the 09/23/2012 at 7:27am<b>iamcrazy</b> - the 09/23/2012 at 12:48am<b>ActionManly</b> - the 09/22/2012 at 4:13pm<b>xpaulatanx</b> - the 08/13/2012 at 11:30am

dansythomas's FML badges

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

See all of dansythomas's badges

dansythomas's favorite FMLs

Today, I was walking through the streets with my best friend, feeling confident in my new skinny jeans. My friend said, "you really should be wearing a thong with those pants, your underwear line is showing". I was wearing a thong, those lines were just my fat rolls. FML

#6439665
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11622) - you deserved it (36210)

On 11/24/2009 at 8:05pm - misc - by xkellybabyyx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

#6312781
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10952) - you deserved it (19963)

On 11/15/2009 at 1:28pm - intimacy - by loldick (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

#6208863
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12962) - you deserved it (35759)

On 11/08/2009 at 6:12am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Baden-Wurttemberg)

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

#6050345
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33799) - you deserved it (6956)

On 10/29/2009 at 1:20am - love - by chipmunk (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new cat. I tried to reenact the opening scene from Lion King, where in Simba gets held up for everyone to see. The fan was on when I lifted my cat up. FML

#5990692
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11662) - you deserved it (68228)

On 10/25/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by stixx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I showed my boyfriend the new tattoo of a butterfly that I'd gotten on my lower back. He said, "It looks like it's flying when your rolls jiggle." FML

#5688481
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13015) - you deserved it (37241)

On 10/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by lovebigmacs (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to buy another pair of 'fat jeans', because my old 'fat jeans' became my new 'skinny jeans'. FML

#4926734
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22759) - you deserved it (53721)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:15am - misc - by FML (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat". I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML

#4806587
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11933) - you deserved it (35893)

On 08/25/2009 at 7:40am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my little brother. He was looking at me and says "so cool." I asked him what was so cool and he says "it's not that cool but, your eyebrow connects to your other eyebrow". FML

#4760219
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30745) - you deserved it (12057)

On 08/23/2009 at 3:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was watching Miley Cyrus' new music video, I had an itch near my bikini line that I couldn't reach through my jeans. So I unzipped my pants to get to it, and that's when my boyfriend walked in on me with my hands down my pants. He thought I was getting off on the music video. FML

#4555175
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43816) - you deserved it (21016)

On 08/15/2009 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by notguilty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went to Burger King. I was sipping the drink and put it on my window sill to save for later. I fell asleep, and when I woke up my mouth was dry. I took a sip and felt something go into my mouth. Thinking it was an ice cube, I bit down on it. It was not an ice cube. It was a cockroach. FML

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

#3241027
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44912) - you deserved it (26762)

On 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by LondonKitsch (woman) - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

#3129056
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49468) - you deserved it (2934)

On 06/22/2009 at 8:21pm - work - by the_captain (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a horrible day at work, came home early and burst into tears as soon as I was in the door. I curled up on the sofa, still bawling, and my cat came over and jumped up for a cuddle. I gave her a hug and she threw up down my back. FML

#2912753
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45700) - you deserved it (4258)

On 06/15/2009 at 2:11pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: