dansythomas

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dansythomas

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 14 January 1998 (18 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1620
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About dansythomas : I like cupcakes and texting

dansythomas's page activity

Visits<b>BonerFart</b> - the 06/06/2016 at 4:40pm<b>HerWrongHole247</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 11:48pm<b>fraankiexx</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 3:20am<b>IronicLights</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 5:46pm<b>gilmorejustin38</b> - the 06/16/2015 at 8:52pm<b>InvictusTribuni</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 12:48am<b>Nahpets</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 6:23am<b>ChaCerCam1</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 12:45pm<b>horsehaed7</b> - the 07/01/2014 at 5:11pm<b>Way2Fast8</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 12:42am<b>tonjuu</b> - the 01/11/2014 at 4:24am<b>DrSkillz</b> - the 11/25/2013 at 8:41pm<b>tjw1616</b> - the 11/19/2013 at 10:57pm<b>britt96britt</b> - the 11/15/2013 at 7:31am<b>jazzybrar</b> - the 11/07/2013 at 11:50pm<b>TheImaginarySong</b> - the 10/29/2013 at 11:47pm<b>mokibear335</b> - the 09/10/2013 at 10:21pm<b>Sporkly</b> - the 08/06/2013 at 4:31pm

dansythomas's FML badges

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dansythomas's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

by danonno / 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her standard moan: "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at that egg, it makes me want to throw up, it's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

by opinaise / 08/02/2012 at 9:00am / France (Midi-Pyrenees) / Love

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

by Anonymous / 08/01/2012 at 12:17am / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I learned why one should never insert a tampon after squeezing lemons. FML

by memphis201 / 07/26/2012 at 1:20pm / United States (Kentucky) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I took a picture of myself seductively eating an apple. I don't know what I'm doing with my life. FML

by Rochelle / 07/25/2012 at 2:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

by cortanaisahobot / 07/19/2012 at 4:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

by creeped out / 06/12/2012 at 2:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I have more in common with a cantaloupe than I do with my boyfriend. FML

by muddled / 05/02/2012 at 2:16am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I explained to my dad that I think I have a vaginal infection. I asked if he could take me to the doctor. He responded by saying, "Just shove some ice up there. It'll go away." FML

by hurts.to.pee / 01/19/2012 at 12:14am / United States / Health

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for breathing too much. FML

by cj123 / 12/23/2011 at 3:43am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

by hitintheeye / 11/26/2011 at 10:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

by ray / 11/17/2011 at 6:22am / United States / Health

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2011 at 3:29am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy