About dansythomas : I like cupcakes and texting
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dansythomas's favorite FMLs
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
by OhMeGerd / 10/05/2012 at 10:56am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by holyshitbatman / 09/22/2012 at 10:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, my car was towed for the second time in front of my own house. They tried to tell me it was because they didn't think I lived there anymore. The person who had it towed had just spoken to me not three hours before. FML
by drixxy / 08/29/2012 at 11:01am / United States (California) / Money
Today, the pharmacist warned me that my antibiotics might cause slight gastrointestinal distress. The fact that I have been on the john for the past 90 minutes drenched in sweat would lead me to believe our definitions of "slight" are a bit different. FML
by jdch_99 / 08/29/2012 at 9:12am / United States / Health
Today, while working at the pet store, I had to feed the snakes. I'd thawed too many mice, so instead of wasting one, I fed it to our turtles. They decided to play tug of war with it, ripping it in half in front of several terrified children. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:50pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, while on the bus, I took out my breath spray. The elderly lady beside me thought it was pepper spray. She panicked and started screaming, which culminated in the man near her punching me in the jaw. FML
by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 12:14pm / United States (West Virginia) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by JMG / 08/19/2012 at 1:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health
by scarredforlife / 08/16/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
by jannister / 08/13/2012 at 3:25pm / Germany (Thuringen) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking up some stairs and heard a noise as if someone was following me. The faster I went, the louder the noise got. I was too scared to realize that it was just my thighs causing my jeans to chafe. FML
by FlorenceD / 08/12/2012 at 12:34am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by llaurenmariee / 08/04/2012 at 7:35am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML
by Anonymous / 08/03/2012 at 4:21am / United States (California) / Kids
by HappyMan / 08/02/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…