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danny3227's favorite FMLs
by Itsbeen8years / 04/05/2015 at 3:18pm / Slovakia (Bratislava) / Health
by billy / 03/31/2015 at 6:54am / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
by anonymous / 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Holidays
Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML
by confidence taken / 08/23/2014 at 2:26am / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by BagelTheOtaku / 08/20/2014 at 1:15am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I had some painful gas at work, so I tried to silently ease it out. It was silent all right; silent, and so deadly that someone exclaimed, "What the fuck?!" My coworkers traced it back to me. Now they're all pointing their mini desk fans in my direction to make a point. FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 5:54pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML
by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love
by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by FANZZY / 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
by gag reflex / 08/16/2014 at 12:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML
by thoughthewasjoking / 08/15/2014 at 5:10pm / United States (Alabama) / Money
by Ithoughtheywerenormalpeople / 08/11/2014 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in… Today, I was having some rare good sex with my husband, when he suddenly said "I'm fuckin' BORED,"… Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking,…
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…