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danilols689's favorite FMLs
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 11:33am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Neanderthals walk among us / 08/04/2013 at 3:09pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Work
Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML
by newbffswelcome / 08/04/2013 at 2:07pm / Vietnam (Ha Noi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed fraudulent charges made in Florida that nearly drained my bank account. After reporting the fraud to the bank, I returned home from a weekend away to find a note from my husband. He and his mistress have run off to Florida to start a life together, apparently at my expense. FML
by brokeandalone / 07/30/2013 at 1:09am / United States / Money
by JustSomeGuy / 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by TehUglyLife / 07/29/2013 at 3:11pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I watched my boyfriend flirt with a cashier and write down his number for her, through the liquor store window, while I sat in the car waiting for him to finish buying things for our "romantic movie night." FML
by Opheliae / 07/29/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by DreamStatic / 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML
by -_- / 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 1:38pm / Slovenia (Ruse Commune) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…