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danilols689's favorite FMLs
Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML
by fuckwank / 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by sammieshortcake / 09/14/2013 at 11:30am / United States / Love
Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML
by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD / 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm / Miscellaneous
by Amsterdamned13 / 09/13/2013 at 3:02pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Love
Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML
by heyhijello / 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML
by heartbroken / 09/09/2013 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Love
Today, my obese mother-in-law took her top off at our pool party, exposing her sagging breasts. When I told her to cover herself, she lifted her breasts, turned them inwards, and squeezed them together while staring me in the eyes. She kept doing this on and off for the next two hours. FML
by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 2:52am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I used a restroom. While doing my thing, the power in my building completely went out. There was another person in the restroom making demonic noises and scratching at my stall. When the power came back on, he was gone. I think I'm being haunted. FML
by dear god help me. / 09/04/2013 at 6:46pm / United States (Hawaii) / Work
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, a coworker told me she may be in love with me. I admitted similar feelings and we agreed, since we're both happily married, not to spend time together anymore. Two hours later we were both promoted to run the same project, where we'll be "working hand in glove for the next couple of years." FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 11:16am / United States (New York) / Love
by -.- / 08/24/2013 at 7:54pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
by thanks mom ¬_¬ / 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I was waiting in line with my boyfriend behind me. I decided to hold his hand and rub his chest while we waited. Then I heard a female voice behind me that said, "Ma'am, please don't touch me." FML
by cpmolly / 08/24/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…