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danielwilliams57's FML badges
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danielwilliams57's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love for the first time, when out of nowhere my cat meowed from the doorway. My boyfriend sighed, pulled out, and exasperatedly called me a selfish bitch for not having put my cat outside. FML
by S12Sophia / 05/02/2012 at 6:06pm / France / Intimacy
Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML
by f*ck / 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 04/29/2012 at 8:23pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ShadowJack / 04/29/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy
by Elise / 04/28/2012 at 7:36pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had my headphones on while on the bus. I didn't realize how loud the music was till the woman sitting next to me punched me for changing her favorite song and then "ignoring her" when she asked me to put it back. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2012 at 12:41am / United States / Transportation
Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML
by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 12:36am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
Today, I got into an argument with my mother, when she snapped and called me a son of a bitch. I said that made no sense, because I'm a girl, and it'd only really confirm that she's a bitch. She then grounded me for insulting her. FML
by KC / 04/25/2012 at 4:06pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by suhleedah18 / 04/24/2012 at 2:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out I have a kidney infection. Now I'm forced to drink at least 4 glasses of water before going to bed. I also have to be woken up every two hours to be told to, "GO PEE BEFORE YOU DIE!" by my mother. FML
by hottygirl905 / 04/24/2012 at 7:50am / United States (Florida) / Health
by xharmonyx / 04/24/2012 at 4:29am / United States / Work
by jessica071509 / 04/24/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Animals
by hjkashld / 04/23/2012 at 9:48pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I went grocery shopping. As I was leaning in to pick up some produce, someone viciously slapped me on the butt. I whirled around and nobody was anywhere in sight. Now I'm starting to worry that I'm losing my mind. FML
by beleria / 04/23/2012 at 6:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trolling in a chat room when someone said, quote: "He's just a no-life, unemployed loser still living in his mom's basement. Probably spends all day stroking his tiny dong and fantasizing about having a real girlfriend." I actually started crying because it was so accurate. FML
by pathetic / 04/23/2012 at 6:06pm / Poland (Mazowieckie) / Geek
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…
- Today, I woke up from a nap because I heard my mother and her fiancée having rough sex while I and… Today, I was mowing the lawn. I hadn't mowed it in awhile so I didn't realise the rock that was in… Today, my new husband and I embarked on our honeymoon together that has been months in the planning…