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danielwilliams57's FML badges
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danielwilliams57's favorite FMLs
Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:48am / France (Picardie) / Love
Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he pulls out during doggy-style and rubs my clit with the tip of his penis, he will be rewarded with a queef. He found it hilarious and tested it out 5 more times. FML
by SoSexy / 10/07/2012 at 6:25am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/30/2012 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/29/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by BabyG2222 / 09/29/2012 at 5:14am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Intimacy
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
by blueballs / 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by alyssabree42 / 08/04/2012 at 2:56am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML
by squeltorey / 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/03/2012 at 10:52am / United States / Work
by rejected4555 / 08/03/2012 at 8:14am / United States / Intimacy
by Lara / 08/03/2012 at 7:28am / Italy (Toscana) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I sat down in the plane, I realized that for the next seven hours I would be sitting next to a priest who refused to stop praying aloud, and an old man who wanted to tell me the story of how the toothpick came to be. FML
by skrillexblewme / 08/02/2012 at 12:30pm / United States / Transportation
Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML
by Anonymous / 08/02/2012 at 10:12am / United States (Arizona) / Kids
- Today, the guy I've been with for 4 years chose hard drugs over me and our daughter. Happy birthday… Today, I got a call from my manager asking me if I realized I had a shift that started half an hour… Today, I was supposed to get my birth certificate and social security number in the mail. The same…