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danielwilliams57's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, with 24 inches of snow on the ground, it is raining like hell. The weight of the snow, now full of rain water, collapsed the roof over my living room. I was eating cereal in my underwear, in the living room, directly under the failure. I'm cold. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2013 at 3:58pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
by hailey / 12/10/2012 at 12:10am / United States (Maryland) / Money
by ouch. / 12/08/2012 at 5:44am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love
by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by SpanishInFrenchClass / 12/06/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Work
by Vassy / 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 1:39pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
by Anonymous / 12/01/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Oregon) / Love
by Teddy / 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Love
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML
by for fuck sake dad / 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm / Ireland (Limerick) / Love
- Today, after years of public sector pay freezes, I finally got a 1% pay rise. Thanks to an increase… Today, as I was putting on pants in the morning, I hear a crunch and soon after, a wet sensation. I… Today, I was talking with my friend when she made the comment, "My dad NEVER makes mistakes." So I…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to…