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Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (46116) - you deserved it (2299)
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew
Today, was my grandmother's funeral and we had to sing. My dad is a horrible singer, and I tried my hardest not to laugh, I turned red faced and tears were falling from my eyes. My step mother held my hand and said that she was in a better place. I couldn't hold it any longer. I laughed my ass off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15388) - you deserved it (35211)
On 07/29/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by shewholaughsatthedead (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54238) - you deserved it (5891)
On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38973) - you deserved it (2762)
On 07/29/2009 at 11:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went to buy lunch at a grocery store. The total was 3 pounds, and my card got rejected for insufficient funds. I fished about for change, and found I only had 2 pounds. A homeless man behind me in the queue then offered to give me the remaining pound. A homeless man paid my lunch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34630) - you deserved it (10965)
On 07/29/2009 at 10:24am - money - by faentalivetmitt (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I was at the store with my mother in the facial care section. I found this device that scrubs your face with those anti-bacterial pads. The aisle was crowded and noisy, so I shouted to my mother, "Can I have this vibrator thing?" It went silent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13233) - you deserved it (35874)
On 07/29/2009 at 3:23am - misc - by Nikse (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6047) - you deserved it (83860)
On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend. He said no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50875) - you deserved it (21110)
On 07/23/2009 at 10:26pm - love - by Ella (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I returned from a month-long stay in a psych ward for severe depression and suicide attempts. The first words my friends say to me when I call them and let them know I'm out? "Does this mean you're not gonna be so emo? 'cause that was really annoying." FML
I agree, your life sucks (38350) - you deserved it (24033)
On 07/22/2009 at 1:47am - misc - by emogurl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47875) - you deserved it (21890)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I noticed that my very expensive facial cleanser was almost out. I had moved in with my boyfriend recently, and questioned him, telling him "You don't have to use so much to wash your face. That's a $70 bottle." To which he responded, "Oh, that nice-smelling stuff? Yeah, I use that on my junk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33612) - you deserved it (6162)
On 07/21/2009 at 2:53pm - misc - by NotSoClean (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML
I agree, your life sucks (71548) - you deserved it (4219)
On 07/21/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by fmjob (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I learned when you're babysitting a 5 year old, and you hear the toilet flush and then the words "uh oh", it's already too late. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34061) - you deserved it (4862)
On 07/20/2009 at 2:45pm - kids - by Pooperscooper - Sent from mobile version
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend on my boat at the lake. As we were looking at the mountains all around us, she playfully pushed me off the side into the water. As I got back on the boat, I realized that not only was my cellphone dead, but the ring had fallen into the deep water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63751) - you deserved it (2650)
On 07/20/2009 at 11:43am - love - by good_job_john (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my brother replaced my cologne with whiskey. I have a job interview and I smell like a drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35831) - you deserved it (2953)
On 07/17/2009 at 7:14pm - misc - by tukker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Friday 24 May 2013
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