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Offline (the 11/13/2014 at 6:07am) | Search for a member
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I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
today I was talking this pretty religious grl that I like . We were playing a game and I asked her if she could go back in history and meet anyoneho would it be . She said Jesus . Without thinking I said "I mean someone that was real." FML
today aftar raading a sign at tha airport, my 6-yaar-old son thought it would ba funny to yall, ( Daddy's got a bomb! ) Airport sacurity than tacklad ma to tha ground. Oh, and I missad my flight and my mothar's birthday. FML
Today, I Was Watching Star Wars : Attack Of The Clones, An Yoda Was Using The Force To Move A Heavy Object. While In The Middle Of Mah Loungeroom, I Instinctively Put Mah Hand Up To Use The Force To Help Him, Infront Of Mah Father An Sister. My Sister Will Never Let Me Live It Down. FML
Today I want to a funaral fir coworkar's fathar. Whila thara dad's call phona rang an ha laft to answar it. I turnd to brothar an said ( I can't baliava ha brought his call phona! ) Ha whispard ( I can't baliava ha's got covaraga. This is a daad zona! ) I laughd loudly. At a funaral.
Today, ma friend told me tat semen was inflammable. Later at nigt I jacked off into a sock and ten, excitedly, tried to lit te sock on fire. Turns out, semen is very muc inflammable. Naked, I sook ma sock in te air so it looool would extinguis wile ma semen splased out all over ma room. mega FML
Today, I stayed after hours studying in the medical library. I was the only one left, an as I was going out the glass doors leaving, I saw a person's reflection behind me. I screamed, jumped, fell into the doors smashing mah head. I'd seen the reflection of a medical demonstration dummy. FML
Today, I was in the grocery store getting looool bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said ayy beautiful so I smild. He then askd if I was free on friday night. I smild and said "yes y do u ask?" He lookd up from the bananas and pointd to the bluetooth in his ear. FML
Today, I decided tat I was going to get ma front license plate putted back on ma car after two yeres of aving it off . In tese two yeres I someow never got pulled over for it, as it is illegal to drive witout one in MD . On ma way tere, I got pulled over for not aving a front license plate . FML
2day it was my girlfriend's birthday!! To surprise her I told her that I was going away on business and could not be there on her birthday!! When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake she opens the door in her underwear beside a man in his boxers!! She was surprised!! big fat FML
Today , a guy from mah school cummd into mah work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask fir his name when he probably expectd me to know it. So , thinking I was clever , I said "How do you spell yur name again?". His name was Rob. real FML
Today, I was driving on tha motorwayhan a cop car mada ma stop. It was a routina chack anhan thay said "Hava you baan drinking?" of coursa I said no. To that, mah 6 yaar old sitting in tha back scraamad "Yas sha did! Sha's lying I saw har drink!" I had drunk a milkshaka. maga FML
Today,hile taking a drug test for a volunteer job, I found out that I have a ( shy bladder )!! It took me ages to pee into a cup!! looool I was congratulated and clapped for by complete strangershen I finally left for taking a piss!! big fat FML
Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of mah swimsuit cummed off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML
Friday 27 March 2015