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cyber1029's favorite FMLs
Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML
by Anonymous / 05/05/2014 at 5:03pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals
by BetterThanChocolate / 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (Maryland) / Animals
Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML
by I Have Failed / 04/02/2014 at 4:10pm / Spain (Madrid) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/01/2013 at 1:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML
by JuggaloSlasher15 / 08/08/2013 at 7:03pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Wtf / 07/10/2013 at 1:24am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, while video chatting with my girlfriend, who lives on the other side of the country, I thought I'd play a song for her on my guitar. The string broke and hit me in the face. I burst into tears and had to hang up. FML
by Anonymous / 01/21/2013 at 12:04pm / United States / Love
by airbiscuit / 01/21/2013 at 7:36am / United Kingdom (Cardiff) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was handing candy to a little boy who was trick or treating by himself. He was small enough to grab the candy and run past me into my house. I've been searching my house for two hours and still can't find him. I'm afraid to go to sleep. FML
by ananymous / 10/31/2012 at 11:04pm / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I accidentally decoded the system my parents use for talking about sex while I'm around. It's a substituion cipher, using literary references. As they're both lit. professors, this has me perpetually grossed-out and wondering, "Are they really talking about Anne Frank, or anal fisting?" FML
by ewww / 08/26/2012 at 5:21am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by baconandkittens / 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by wtfisthisworldcomingto / 04/25/2011 at 8:11am / Miscellaneous
- Today, after my 10 year old brother was watching youtube for hours, he had apparently learned a new… Today, my boss called me in to work on my only day off in two weeks. After working more than a full… Today, like we do every year, my family and I went on vacation. Also today, like she does in every…