Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cyanidesandwich

Offline (14 hours ago) | Search for a member

cyanidesandwich

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1996 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3165
  • Number of comments : 233
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 24 posted

About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)

cyanidesandwich's page activity

Visits<b>sarahashleyxo</b> - the 10/14/2014 at 12:03pm<b>starbarbazar</b> - the 10/08/2014 at 8:50pm<b>12goldfish69</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 3:08pm<b>ChaCerCam1</b> - the 10/04/2014 at 11:32am<b>tay_arredondo</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 7:43pm<b>mip_92</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 10:43pm<b>myoukei</b> - the 09/29/2014 at 8:58am<b>bcoe</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 11:52pm<b>tiwan</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 10:43pm<b>ken29</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:01pm<b>brobrama</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 12:36am<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 11:33pm<b>imateapot_723</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:53pm<b>bigredmonkeybutt</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 7:17pm<b>Queen_bee1234</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 2:06pm<b>smiley1014</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:50pm<b>sythe511</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:41pm<b>cassidymg</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 1:07pm

Liked!<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:33am

cyanidesandwich's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of cyanidesandwich's badges

cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32815) - you deserved it (9217)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML

#17884262
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30080) - you deserved it (2905)

On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML

#17789217
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32605) - you deserved it (2886)

On 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch. It popped my cherry. I lost my virginity to a shoe. FML

#17779717
426 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55684) - you deserved it (5494)

On 09/19/2011 at 10:39am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my girlfriend called me over to her house. When I knocked, no one responded to the door. I decided to check the back yard and found her sunbathing by the pool. I kneeled by her and placed my hand on her butt, kissing her neck. What I heard next, "So this is what you do with my daughter." FML

#17753266
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36204) - you deserved it (23302)

On 09/15/2011 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was in English when I had to use the bathroom. As I was signing out, the teacher said "Don't forget the hall pass!" It was a plunger. I have to walk across my school with a plunger. FML

#17645605
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23269) - you deserved it (4601)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:44pm - misc - by d0rk_ - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

#17586114
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31404) - you deserved it (5443)

On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

#17564993
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37305) - you deserved it (3277)

On 08/24/2011 at 1:28am - misc - by skichick54 - United States (Washington)

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

#17556947
404 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30199) - you deserved it (5658)

On 08/23/2011 at 10:46am - intimacy - by Andrew (man) - United States

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34771) - you deserved it (9626)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML

#17450169
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30379) - you deserved it (4415)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:25pm - misc - by Coldsnap - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

#17447833
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43282) - you deserved it (6401)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:44am - animals - by squishylog - United States (California)

Today, I walked outside my house to find my father in nothing but his underwear, spraying ants with ant-killer, laughing like a maniac and screaming, "Die bitches! Die!" FML

#17447180
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31825) - you deserved it (4279)

On 08/12/2011 at 2:17am - misc - by TuteSweet - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got a complaint from my neighbor about a little girl staring at her through my guest bedroom window for the past month. I live alone. And now I'm scared to live in my own house. FML

#17349963
376 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53237) - you deserved it (3274)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:04am - misc - by soccerbuddyz - United States (Florida)

Today, my entire family, myself included, has been turned into a collective diarrhea fountain after going out to eat. We only have one bathroom. FML

#17288332
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31266) - you deserved it (2647)

On 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm - health - by shroooms (man) - Slovenia (Bohinj)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: