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cyanidesandwich

Offline (the 11/25/2014 at 5:30am) | Search for a member

cyanidesandwich

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 8 November 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3339
  • Number of comments : 236
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 24 posted

About cyanidesandwich : I am an awesome guy to be around, i love this site and play some if Kixeye's facebook games in my spare time. I am also proud to say that i have seen both two girls one cup and the BME Pain olympics back to back. ( the first didnt bother me at all, but the second was kind of hard to watch)

cyanidesandwich's page activity

Visits<b>emory11606</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 12:41pm<b>damnitstrue</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 10:00pm<b>FallenLyric</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 12:36am<b>ImagineCrazy</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 10:55pm<b>sspence</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 5:14pm<b>asshole15</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 12:44pm<b>potatoking49</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 1:15pm<b>iceskata</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 5:39pm<b>doctor__who</b> - the 10/30/2014 at 10:44pm<b>Mahak1099</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 10:26am<b>tigerRaWr84</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 9:49pm<b>bazinga420</b> - the 10/27/2014 at 5:38pm<b>nix1993</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 1:07pm<b>Raleaf</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 6:14am<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 12:54am<b>wang33334</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 8:33pm<b>Dalboz</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 7:44pm<b>ragingatheist</b> - the 10/25/2014 at 7:41pm

Liked!<b>iceskata</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 10:39pm<b>Rhinocerus</b> - the 09/28/2014 at 5:33am

cyanidesandwich's FML badges

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This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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cyanidesandwich's favorite FMLs

Today, I noticed my fish was still hungry after feeding him earlier. I figured "ehh a little bit more won't kill him". I was wrong. FML

#21303699
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27708) - you deserved it (7875)

On 11/22/2014 at 2:22am - animals - by liishax3 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42020) - you deserved it (11698)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36691) - you deserved it (3559)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, it's the 16th day of my period. FML

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44369) - you deserved it (16472)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35158) - you deserved it (11506)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36217) - you deserved it (17581)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, a girl I recently slept with messaged me, explaining through a rendition of "Call Me Maybe" that she'd given me chlamydia. FML

#21199713
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46340) - you deserved it (14252)

On 07/05/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Rowansgonnarow -

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

#21166299
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48056) - you deserved it (4884)

On 06/07/2014 at 5:16pm - health - by wish his dad had worn one (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56128) - you deserved it (7059)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36093) - you deserved it (8467)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

#21107985
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63201) - you deserved it (5824)

On 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm - misc - by Great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

#21104869
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44465) - you deserved it (3116)

On 04/05/2014 at 12:04am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Mexico)



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