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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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cxavier

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cxavier
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 563
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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cxavier's FML badges

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cxavier's favorite FMLs

Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I could open my mouth a bit wider for him now. FML

#9158778 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (16743) - you deserved it (3781)

On 03/17/2010 at 12:59pm - intimacy - by smiler (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML

#7870417 (164)

I agree, your life sucks (15724) - you deserved it (2131)

On 02/04/2010 at 3:40am - health - by littlespoon (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I used a public bathroom and set my motorcycle helmet on the sink while I used the urinal. The helmet rolled into the sink, under the faucet and set off the motion detector, soaking the inside. I drove 15 miles home in 30 degree weather with a wet helmet. FML

#7351038 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (14188) - you deserved it (6074)

On 01/15/2010 at 12:04am - misc - by RyanSmithN (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was getting ready to go out when I noticed that after several months of annoyance, the faucet stopped dripping. I started to dance around my bathroom when all of a sudden I slipped and hit my head on the sink. The faucet is dripping again. FML

#7034153 (59)

I agree, your life sucks (13791) - you deserved it (8231)

On 12/30/2009 at 11:34am - misc - by dripping sink - United States

Today, I had a friend over. We found my older brother's camera so decided to look through his photos but then we came across photos of him and his girlfriend having sex. We were laughing up until my friend decided to point out that they were having sex on my bed. FML

#6708015 (56)

I agree, your life sucks (13511) - you deserved it (4116)

On 12/11/2009 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by badbed (man) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

#6635616 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (15807) - you deserved it (6493)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm - intimacy - by Ballhugger (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

#6475314 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (8712) - you deserved it (17687)

On 11/27/2009 at 5:11am - misc - by Nick (man) - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, my fiance and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for 6 weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in 2 weeks. FML

#6423121 (194)

I agree, your life sucks (17464) - you deserved it (4040)

On 11/23/2009 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by bleh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

#6205717 (49)

I agree, your life sucks (18491) - you deserved it (2176)

On 11/08/2009 at 12:28am - animals - by lessinterestingthanadog (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, at my school's Midnight Madness, I was selected to show my school spirit in a contest. Being drunk, I decided to hump the school mascot in front of 300 people. FML

#6065931 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (4161) - you deserved it (33462)

On 10/30/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by skyhawk13 - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to take a personal day from class and e-mailed all of my profs saying I had flu symptoms. While standing in line at Starbucks later, someone behind me says "Glad you're feeling better. Hope you can attend class tomorrow, we'll discuss lying." It was my Ethics professor. FML

#5921538 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (4350) - you deserved it (35490)

On 10/20/2009 at 10:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was refereeing a kid's soccer game, and noticed that on the field next to me was a referee I hated working with. I told the other referee I was working with that he was the laziest and most dumbass referee I had ever worked with. She then slapped me, and told me that it was her grandpa. FML

#5734528 (67)

I agree, your life sucks (4997) - you deserved it (24668)

On 10/09/2009 at 1:48am - work - by y0uw1shy0ukn3wm3 - United States

Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML

#5345051 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (28265) - you deserved it (24122)

On 09/19/2009 at 1:22am - love - by Pierceew (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out why my wealthy biological parents put me up for adoption leaving me to live with two deadbeats I hate. They weren't ready for kids. They have two kids, one adopted when he was two weeks old. He is only a month younger than me. FML

#5119885 (126)

I agree, your life sucks (48992) - you deserved it (1774)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:42am - misc - by jstar (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my fiance, his mother, my father and I went out to celebrate my birthday and our recent engagement. After dinner, my father and future mother-in-law revealed to us that they had secretly been dating and were talking about also getting married. Anybody want cake? FML

#4996665 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (37362) - you deserved it (1700)

On 09/02/2009 at 10:47am - love - by BDayssuck (woman) - United States (New York)