About crystalnight : I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite site on the Citadel.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Today, on my way home, my girlfriend started sexting me, telling me that she was waiting at my house. In my rush to get home to see her, I got pulled over and had to be patted down. He found no weapons, but he did find my stiffy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29678) - you deserved it (8315)
On 10/04/2011 at 8:02pm - intimacy - by Username - United States
Today, my younger cousin bought his girlfriend of 3 months a bunch of flowers. The only flower I've ever got from my boyfriend of 3 years is a plastic one he found on the floor in a bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17191) - you deserved it (2786)
On 10/04/2011 at 5:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I showed my boyfriend a calendar, marked with the number of times we've had sex over the past month. Then followed by a calendar of the month before, which had almost triple the number of hits. I had to point out that our stats need to improve. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18010) - you deserved it (12175)
On 10/04/2011 at 3:04am - intimacy - by friskeyk14 - United States (California)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9796) - you deserved it (27725)
On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region
Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20852) - you deserved it (2460)
On 10/03/2011 at 7:19pm - health - by sorenips - Canada (Quebec)
Today, my 20 year old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25315) - you deserved it (3752)
On 10/03/2011 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me for the first time. He stopped just as I was about to orgasm, and asked if I could finish by myself. Apparently he'd come up with a new algorithm for the Rubik's Cube on my desk and wanted to try it out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30070) - you deserved it (3014)
On 10/03/2011 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Kayt (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22206) - you deserved it (7136)
On 10/02/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27487) - you deserved it (8384)
On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, while I was on the up escalator, a small woman in front of me farted directly into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25683) - you deserved it (2566)
On 10/02/2011 at 2:36am - misc - by Emmy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I realized that it has been so long since my wife and I were intimate that I got slightly turned on watching her suck the meat off chicken wings. I'm jealous of fried, sauce-soaked poultry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26569) - you deserved it (3339)
On 10/02/2011 at 2:05am - intimacy - by therevsev - United States
Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26330) - you deserved it (2170)
On 09/29/2011 at 4:14pm - misc - by littlepsychgirl (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses me more. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30065) - you deserved it (3242)
On 09/29/2011 at 5:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'It's Complicated' because I didn't give her my last cookie. This happens all the time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23855) - you deserved it (8391)
On 09/28/2011 at 10:28pm - love - by danthecomplicate - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I cleaned out the fridge for my mother. I didn't throw out a single thing that was less than a month past its expiration. Instead of thanks, she complained about everything that I threw away being still good, including a tub of butter that had been expired for two years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18385) - you deserved it (1538)
On 09/28/2011 at 9:12pm - misc - by AngrySon (man) - United States (Maryland)
Monday 17 June 2013
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