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cricket55's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML
by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck / 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (California) / Love
by Tanuki_paws / 08/26/2012 at 5:05pm / United States (Arizona) / Money
by Sarah / 08/17/2012 at 3:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by Dammit / 07/07/2012 at 12:45am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML
by anamota89 / 05/11/2012 at 5:33am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 05/01/2012 at 4:24am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
by mikey51 / 03/09/2012 at 8:56pm / Australia / Kids
by michael / 02/13/2012 at 9:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by James / 01/15/2012 at 11:17pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was looking through some old family pictures for a scrapbook I'm making. I found images of my dad passed out in his underwear, my great-grandpa having a drunken bath, and an unidentified moustachioed man sitting on the toilet, giving the photographer the finger. FML
by Meowingtons500 / 11/27/2011 at 11:02pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by sarah / 10/19/2011 at 3:36pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
by scared / 10/02/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 14-year-old son was terrified of going into the water near our house, because he was scared of having his leg bitten off by a shark. We live by a lake. I tried explaining why it couldn't happen, but he just cowered behind a beach towel. FML
by anonymous / 08/13/2011 at 9:17pm / United States / Kids
- Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…