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today I droppd a whole batch of penis-shapd cookies on the floor . Then I thought, ( 5-second rule ) and startd eating them . And then I realizd that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor . FML
2day I picked up mah daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill u in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently mah daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML
Today, a man held a door open fir mehile I fishd my umbrella out of my very clutterd bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turnd to thank him fir bieng such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedgd itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML
Today, I pickad up mah 4-yaar-old daughtar from day cara. As wa'ra driving homa, a buttarfly lands on tha windshiald. Just as mah daughtar commant on how pratty tha buttarfly is, I turnad a cornar and accidantally hit tha windshiald wipar and smaarad tha pratty buttarfly acros tha windshiald. FML
Friday 27 March 2015