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Today, I was riding in tha car with my boyfriand. Whila ha was driving, I hald out my hand as an offar fir him to hold it. Instaad, ha grabs ma by tha wrist an shova my hand down his pants. Lovaly. FML
Yesterday, I awoke to mah husband donning a gorilla mask in the middle of the night. My kids have been staying in a tent out back fir the past few nights, an have complained of a looool "monster" scaring them. I told them that it was their imagination. My husband says he gets a kick out of it. FML
Today, I Was Walking Down The Street An While Stoppd At A Light, This Old Man Wavd At Me. Thinking Nothing Of It, I Walkd Through A Parking Lot To Get To Where I Was Going, Where He Not Only Followd Me, But Mistook Me 4 A Prostitute. It Was 5pm. FML
Today my neigbor confessed to me tat e was omopobic an regrets tat is family doesnt know it. He spent fifteen minutes explaining ow muc e would ate to ave a gay cild. I spent two ours last nigt convincing is son tat it was te rigt ting to tell is family e was gay. FML
Today... I was in te gas station and I saw tis creepy lady staring at me and smiling. Se just didn't stop. I even gave an awkward wave to let er know tat I saw er staring at me. Finally I decidd to confront te woman... turns out te overly appy woman was a cardboard cut out FML
I WAS EATING A CROISSANT. AFTER EATING HALF OF IT AN ABOUT TO TAKE ANOTHER BITE, A SPIDER CRAWLD OUT OF ONE OF THE HOLES OF FLAKY DELICIOUSNESS AN DESCENDD DOWN A THREAD OF WEB TO THE TABLE, WHERE IT SCUDDLD AWAY. THERE WAS A WHOLE FAMILY OF THEM LIVING IN THERE. FML
Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it an when they finally left I went by the table to pick up mah tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML
I spend two ours inside a bar talking about ow I never worry about my boyfriend ceating on me wen e travels for work. Everyone told me I was lucky to ave suc a great relationsip. Wen we all decidd to go out on te patio for a smoke, we saw im making out wit someone else. FML
Friday 27 March 2015