I am awesome, cool, perverted, and crazy. :P
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4247) - you totally deserved it (24305)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10149) - you totally deserved it (27819)
On 09/18/2009 at 12:29am - misc - by Poowee (woman) - United States (Alabama)
Today, I finally told my fiance about the crippling sexual abuse I suffered through as a child. He immediately broke off the wedding. His reason? He can't marry someone who isn't 'pure'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53436) - you totally deserved it (2091)
On 09/17/2009 at 9:36pm - love - by Jackie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was cutting the grass when I saw a man staring at me from my neighbor's garage. This went on for 5 minutes until I finally yelled 'hello'. There was no response, and I was creeped out, so I called my neighbor. It was a life-sized Paul McCartney cutout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6448) - you totally deserved it (19752)
On 09/06/2009 at 12:35am - misc - by cachow (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28051) - you totally deserved it (1442)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at my only sister's wedding. She gave a speech about the person who means the most to her. She said, "She is my favorite sister who has always been there for me." Being her only sister, I got up to hug her. Turns out she was talking about her slutty sorority sister. Not me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35991) - you totally deserved it (1731)
On 08/31/2009 at 1:21pm - misc - by ohsugarxo (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32294) - you totally deserved it (7618)
On 08/31/2009 at 1:18am - work - by Timmah (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36293) - you totally deserved it (2383)
On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by sending me a Bumper Sticker on Facebook that said "Bitch, let's get married". FML
I agree, your life sucks (38443) - you totally deserved it (4388)
On 08/30/2009 at 12:40pm - love - by mylifesucks (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33193) - you totally deserved it (2468)
On 08/29/2009 at 12:46pm - health - by mommy_issues (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. The first words out of my dad's mouth were "If my daughter sees your penis, I'll cut it off". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43334) - you totally deserved it (4473)
On 08/27/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47914) - you totally deserved it (2592)
On 08/26/2009 at 3:09am - love - by micahmatt (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44901) - you totally deserved it (1832)
On 08/26/2009 at 1:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I found out that my parents are first cousins. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61929) - you totally deserved it (1850)
On 08/15/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by jellybean_94 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I had to go to the police station to pick up my 42 year old dad. Why? He was caught stealing candy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38194) - you totally deserved it (1327)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:07pm - kids - by ahhahaha (man) - United States (New Mexico)
